Quotes About Humor

Self-parody is the first portent of age.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

Old age - that's when a woman takes vitamins A through G, and still looks like H.

There's one advantage to being 102. There's no peer pressure.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

Ridicule is the deadliest weapon of the age.

Don't think of it as wrinkles. Think of ot as relaxed-fit skin.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.

[After she and Clare Boothe Luce met in a doorway and the latter said, 'Age before beauty':] Pearls before swine.

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression.

At 50, you need to laugh about your age. If you don't, everybody else will do it for you. Happy birthday, old chum!

He has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled.

There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch.

To my deafness I'm accustomed, To my dentures I'm resigned, I can manage my bifocals, But Oh how I miss my mind.

At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.