Quotes About Humor

Not always. Sometimes it's ass," Vince said, cleverly bringing ass back into the conversation one more time. I began to wonder if there was a hidden camera, with a smirking game-show host handing out a prize every time we used the word.

Hey," Robert said. "Aren't you supposed to say 'what up' or something?" Renny stared at Robert with his head tilted, one eyebrow raised and one lowered. "You gonna teach me how to talk black, Robert?" he said. "Damn, that's great; I been wanting to learn that.

He nodded. "I asked around about you," he said. "They all told me, 'Dexter does doughnuts.' Ã¢â'¬Â And he grinned at me as if alliteration was some kind of wonderfully clever form of wit.

One of the few eternal truths about humans is that if someone says they aren't sleeping, they're not rich, or they're not drunk, they almost certainly are. But telling them so when they deny it is thankless, unpleasant, and sometimes dangerous. So I just smiled understandingly at Rita. "Of course you're not," I said. "So why do we have to move because Lily Anne is getting so big?

He also had on a T-shirt that said I'M WITH BUTTHEAD, and he was draped with a camera and pensively clutching a bouquet. And although I say pensively, it was a very different kind of pensing, because his head had been neatly removed and replaced with a gaudy spray of tropical flowers.

Several brilliantly funny remarks crowded into my mouth and fought for space on my tongue, but once again I somehow made myself stay focused on the larger point, which was that I still had no idea what Rita was talking about. "I'll be there at two thirty," I said. "If you promise to tell me where it is and why I'm going there." Astor

Alana looked down her nose at Deborah. Naturally, from her great height she would have to, but there was more to it than that. She gave Debs that look of condescending amusement that only the Brits can really master, and said, "What would you like it to mean, Sergeant?" And she made "sergeant" sound like some kind of funny insect, which was not lost on my sister. She blushed.

There's a very ancient and wise saying of our people, he said. When in doubt, go shopping. [Brian]

Fuck you," Alvarez said. Deke snorted, either a laugh, or perhaps some small particle of food had gotten flossed out and become lodged in his nose.

Rectory always sounded to me like a place where you would find a proctologist.

Aikman, whose vocal stylings are reminiscent of a cat choking on a lug nut.

Washington had little use for that kind of humor, had learned in the war with the French that the men with the quickest wit around the campfire rarely made a solid impression in a fight.

the Matt Scudder novels (dark), including Eight Million Ways to Die, The Devil Knows You're Dead, and the Edgar-winning A Dance at the Slaughterhouse, and the Bernie Rhodenbarr mysteries (humorous), including The Burglar Who Thought He Was Bogart, and The Burglar Who Traded Ted Williams.

Just as soon as I get this cast off, Fletcher said, I'm going to kick your ass. You shouldn't speak to Dr Renwick like that, after all he's done for you, said Nat, with a grin. Why not? asked Fletcher. He filled me up with your blood, so now I'm half the man I was. Wrong again, said Nat. You're twice the man you were, but still half the man I am.

Stop fussing, honey. It won't be the first time James has seen a man's stomach. It's not the first time I've seen that one, thought James.

Harry would have laughed if he hadn't been sitting in No.lO Downing Street opposite one of the busiest men in the country.

But then, behind every great man . . . is a surprised mother-in-law.

So how did you manage to lose Lunsdorf? He got away from Sergeant Roberts in Harrods. I sometimes wish I could do that when shopping with my wife, said the cabinet secretary.

Right away I started to panic, and I was running around looking for him. When I found him, he was standing behind a column, laughing at me. He was watching me the whole time and laughing. He thought it was funny, just a joke. I could have killed him.

Heartbreak is funny to everyone but the heartbroken.

He had the wit of a store mannequin.

Tessie and I lay in our chairs, listening to wax being violently removed. 'Oh my!' cried the large lady. 'Is nothing,' belittled Helga. 'I do it perfect.' 'Oweee!' yelped a bikini-liner. And Helga, taking an oddly femenist stance: 'See what you do for the mens? You suffer. Is not worth it.

Aunt Zo, who never missed a chance to lament her marriage, had said at dinner in her comedienne's voice, "My husband. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride.

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.