Quotes About Humor

I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She wouldn't do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. Also people didn't do things like that in Southern Ohio. A sawed-off shotgun, that was the ticket.

The last time I saw a brow that low I was watching slides in anthropology class

No carbs her mother called after her as she went into the dressing room And no butter I know you stole me from my real parents Min called back. They'd let me eat butter

After you die, you're going to hell for being a dishonest bastard, and you'll burn for eternity. The guy snatched his hand back. I don't believe in Hell. Most people don't until they get there. Mab smiled at him. Of course, if you stop lying and cheating, you can probably redeem yourself. If not, have them put marshmallows in your coffin. There's a bight side to everything, I always say.

You're not by any chance my stepmother are you? Min said to her mother's reflection. Because that would explain so much.

She gave Rachel her usual obsessively loving smile, including Phin in it, too, as her future son-in-law. Such a nice couple , her smile said. What lovely grandchildren they'll give me. And they'll live right next door. Phin's answering smile said, Not a chance in hell , while Rachel gazed at Justice and Mercy, pretending she'd never heard of pornography or sex, or Phin, for that matter.

I'm an open Minded Man. How about a threesom? You, me and the machine?

Mason was leaving her for a fifty-four-year-old woman who didn't moisturize

What about the check? Suze said. Pay it, he called back. This is your party. I don't like him, Suze said to Margie. Margie slid out of the booth. Think of him as a growth experience. Oh, good, I've been wanting one of those, Suze said and tossed a twenty on the table. It was too much, but she was in a hurry to steal a dog.

At eleven, Kate woke Jake up when she went searching in the cooler for juice. You know, you used to be peaceful, he grumbled. I can't believe you were ever married. Kate said, as she cracked the can open. What did you do, make her stand in the corner all the time?

I'm fine, Kate said. In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better. Bad deduction, Jessie said. If that were true, I'd be dating Harrison Ford by now.

Lee stood in front of the class the first day and said, "Anybody who makes fun of romance fiction is making fun of Jane Austen, and anybody who makes fun of Jane Austen answers to me." Why yes, I would walk across broken glass for that man. Why do you ask?

He hung up and smiled at Cal. "That was Min. She wants chicken marsala. You can deliver it to her." "What?" Cal said, dumbfounded. "You know the way. It's probably on your way home." "It's not on my way home, it's not on anybody's way home except God's, the damn place is vertical. What gave you the idea I'd do this?

Leave it to the army to mechanize an erection." "Laugh now, funny girl," Shane said. "That's gonna be a bridge in about a minute." "And that bridge can hold over sixty tons," Carpenter said. "So it's a strong erection," Lisa Livia said, looking at Carpenter. "Oh

Okay, why did we have to leave?" Bonnie said when they were in Liza's convertible and Min was banished to the backseat. "Because Min was swapping tongues with a doughnut pusher." Liza looked back over the seat at Min the sinner and shook her head.

Jennifer Crusie

You want me to be philosophic about the future now? Cal said. I'm not even sure where I left my pants.

In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better." "Bad deduction," Jessie said. "If that were true, I'd be dating Harrison Ford by now." "I'm

What were you saying, Agnes? Taylor said, his smile widening. I was saying you're an evil moron whom fate and karma are going to take care of, Agnes said. Now your line is 'Who's Fate and Karma, and what did I ever do to them?' That's not funny, Taylor said. Agnes looked at Mr. Harrison. I thought it was a little funny, didn't you? A little, he said, smiling. Taylor glared at him and he shrugged.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the patience not to strangle my mother-in-law, chop her into little pieces, and dump them down a sewer.

mooo, she said... I mean mmmm, she moaned. Louder this time. Goddamn Dr. Seuss is ruining my sex life.

Hefty? I'd railed to Peter, waving the clipping for emphasis. Hefty? For the record 'Hefty' is a trash bag. I'm festively plump.

She and her friends would talk about their husbands like they were children, or pets - some strange species responsible for bad smells and strange noises and messes they'd have to clean up.

had become an EST instructor, which made both of them laugh.