Quotes About Humor

the picture would be up – very crooked and insecure, the wall for yards round looking as if it had been smoothed down with a rake, and everybody dead beat and wretched – except Uncle Podger.

When George is hanged, Harris wil be the worst packer in this world

You can never rouse Harris. There is no poetry about Harries - no wild yearning for the unattainable. Harris never weeps, he knows not why If Harris's eyes fill with tears, you can bet it is because Harris has been eating raw onions, or has put too much Worcester over his chop.

but there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.

There were four of us—George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room, smoking, and talking about how bad we were—bad from a medical point of view I mean, of course.

In the present instance, going back to the liver-pill circular, I had the symptoms, beyond all mistake, the chief among them being "a general disinclination to work of any kind." What I suffer in that way no tongue can tell.  From my

Three invalids.—Sufferings of George and Harris.—A victim to one hundred and seven fatal maladies.—Useful prescriptions.—Cure for liver complaint in children.—We agree that we are overworked, and need rest.—A week on the rolling deep?—George suggests the River.—Montmorency lodges an objection.—Original motion carried by majority of three to one.

I like a bit of fun myself. But not if you've got to pay for it. Where's the fun in that?

To the grave-faced JESTER to whom all life is but a volume of old humour -

who weighs about twelve stone. 

There were four of us--George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency.

Transcribed from the 1889 J.

That trout lay shattered into a thousand fragments - I say a thousand, but they may only have been nine hundred. I did not count them.

Festivus for the Restivus!

I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.

Being funny is one of the ultimate weapons a person can have in human society.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

The funniest part of that joke is, 'say what you will about Hitler'. -to Ricky Gervais on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

Sometimes I want to go back to the old flip phone. One of those old-people ones that they advertise on TV with the giant buttons like floor tiles.

I remember thinking, "Well, but I wouldn't have to be that funny anyway. I would just have to be funny enough to buy a loaf of Wonder bread and a jar of Skippy peanut butter a week." I could easily survive on that.

Every other man is looking great saint after marriage.

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.

Ainda não sei ao certo de onde vêm as piadas. Talvez de uma mistura emocional de tédio, agressividade, intensa acuidade visual e outro tipo de agilidade da mente que nos permite transformar o que vemos naquilo que queremos ver

I think that comedy makes everyone feel weightless. The weight of whatever their troubles, or the weight of life, and in that moment, when you're laughing, it's like you're free of earth's gravity.