Quotes About Humor

Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

I say, if you believe what you read in the comic strips, then you believe that mice run around with little gold buttons on their red pants and drive cars.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had one car.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

Back in the '60s, there was a car sticker that read, 'Forget Oxfam, Feed Twiggy,' but I ate like a horse.

Why is it that all cars are women? Because they're fussy and demanding.

I'm just a little old cartoonist, tryin' to make a buck.

Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

I don't know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.

So much leather inside my car my horn moos.

How come drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard of their car? So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

Romans park their cars the way I would park if I had just spilled a beaker of hydrochloric acid on my lap.

John McCain said that Sarah Palin is still a force in the Republican Party. Then he got in his car and backed over his mailbox.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

2020. There'll be cold fusion. We'll actually be able to power our cars with our own feces. That's right. The emissions problem will be a little intense, but just light a match.

Who's driving this car, Stevie Wonder?