Quotes About Humor

I've hung on for a long time in this business and had some success, and I think it's keeping an open mind and being curious and having a sense of humor about oneself that's important.

I think up until the point when we started in the business, which was in the early '70s, most of the humor was political. The smart humor was political satire.

It's a grim business, this being funny. Every time you come up with a strong, satiric idea, the world tops it.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

I absolutely refuse to reveal my age. What am I - a car?

Mexican cars are just going to be lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat.

All the best, Sydney P.S. "The Red Hurricane" is what I named the car. P.P.S. Just because I like you, it doesn't mean I still don't think you're an evil creature of the night. You are.

A black, a Puerto Rican and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The police.

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

This is my 1963 Ford. It was the only car I could A-Ford.

I'm not playing the race card. I'm playing the rice card.

It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.

I do find it amusing when somebody cuts me off, makes an aggressive move on me in a car. I'm like, 'Do you have any idea what I do for a living? Why?'

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

I'm from Downer's Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far.