Quotes About Humor

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

You're birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar..... Yung No Mo

Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita

At 50, don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, it's brought a tear to my eye, and a boner to my pants.

I took my husband to the hospital yesterday to have 17 stitches out - that'll teach him to buy me a sewing kit for my birthday.

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!

I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.

I've got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it's all lower.

You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

We was going to get you a birthday cake, but we figured you'd drop it.

I'm actually a perpetual 13-year-old. I've never advanced beyond 13. Every day, tomorrow is my 14th birthday. That's my kind of humor.

I have to mime at parties when everyone sings Happy Birthday... Mime or mumble and rumble and growl and grunt so deep that only moles, manta rays and mushrooms can hear me.

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.

I never had little brothers, so I was totally not used to hearing a lot of cussing at a young age! I learned what 'pull my finger' meant the hard way.

I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.

I sometimes have birthday parties for the kids in my neighborhood and then pretend to suggest that I am going to molest them to the parents. It's a hilarious prank even though I am not a paedophile.

Yes, you're very very old But try to think of it as not being cursed After all, in a hostage situation You'd be released first!

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

Here I sit, alone at 60, Bald and fat and full of sin Cold the seat, and loud the cistern As I read the (Harpic) (Lysol) tin

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.