Quotes About Humor

Nobody gave me what I wanted for my birthday! Nobody! What sort of presents do you call these? New shoes, a green sweater and a bunch of stupid toys!" "What were you expecting?" "Real estate!

The awkward moment when Santa accidentally leaves the price tag on your present.

What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

For my birthday, buy me a politician!

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

My favorite birthday game is Pin the Cleanup on the guests.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later.

I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn't even been born yet.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

I'd be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I'd run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

For the most part, comedy is the only fair part of show business.

Lucille was a darling lady. Probably the finest comedienne in the business.

Benedict Cumberbatch is not only the best name in show business, it's also the response you get when you ask John Travolta to pronounce Ben Affleck.

I don't find the business easy. The moment you start talking about the business, you start sounding like someone in Spinal Tap.

I've managed to make a living in a very ridiculous business, and that's fine with me. The trick now is, after you've been in it for a while, you still have to remember to have fun.

I think it would be hard to go the distance in this business without a sense of humor.

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

If you can survive 'Saturday Night Live,' then you're good as far as show business is concerned.

An uncontrolled sense of humor is often costly in business.

I think, you know, a lot of the business of comedy is taking your personal experiences and making them relatable to other people.

Will Ferrell is a dangerous man. If he thinks you're in his way in show business, he will crack your head open. He's the Jeff Gillooly of comedy.

I never truly believed that human business was some serious thing.

Take the wrong route sometimes and make fool out of yourself. Laugh at your mess ups because it will all become a funny story one day.