Quotes About Humor

You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor.

A surgeon should always be soberly dressed . . . rather after the manner of a cleric, for any discrete man clad in cleric's dress may sit at a gentleman's table. A surgeon must also have clean hands and well-shaped nails, free of dirt . . . It is also expedient for the surgeon to be able to tell good honest tales that may make the patient laugh.

I'm Catholic. My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm. I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat.

I'll never have a baby because I'm afraid I'll leave it on top of my car.

Damon: "What about me?" Rebekah: "You have a nice behind.

It might be wishful thinking, but the very name 'jungle' seemed to reflect a wry left-field humour. Ask half a dozen people how the name came about, though, and you'll get six different answers – and they'll all be true.

You know you're from Arizona when you feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest.

Life is droll. It has no common sense. It is the game of a mountebank.

I love a girl with a sense of humor. Someone who can make me laugh and that I can get along with and talk with and who is just sweet overall, inside and out.

A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love keeps our affections for them from turning flat.

How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

Tequila--a sure cure for monogamy.

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.

If at 1st you don't succeed, stretch out on your La-Z-Boy with a six-pack and a porn flick. Y' still won't succeed, but you sure as hell won't give a shift.

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.

Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.

Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either.

He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated.