Quotes About Humor

If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.

Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Excrement happens.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.

I eat too much. I drink to much. A greedy selfish such-n-such. But when I wrap my turban on my mind is clear, I'm 'Baba Lon'.

A good joke will sell quicker than a good poem, and, measured in sweat and blood, will bring better remuneration.

A stiff letter galls one like a stiff shirt collar -- whilst a sheet garnished here and there with a careless blot -- and here and there a dash -- but in the main full of excellent matter, is like a clever fellow in a dirty shirt whom we value for the good humour he brings with him and not for the garb he wears.

It's a good thing I'm a reasonably patient woman. Otherwise, I might have to kill you.

Don't worry, Mrs. Colder. For the most part, we keep him leashed and gagged. We only let him free when the cute little animal jokes are needed. ~Sherra Callahan (on Kane Tyler)~

Testosterone overload?" Merinus gave an unladylike grunt. "More like asshole overload if you ask me.

Life is laughter amid a rosary of death.

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.

And yet methinks the older that one grows Inclines us more to laugh than scold, though laughter Leaves us so doubly serious shortly after.

methinks the older that one grows, Inclines us more to laugh the scold, though laughter Leaves us so doubly serious shortly after.

Always laugh when you can. It is a cheap medicine.