Quotes About Humor

You're so pretty, Joe. It's really a shame that you're such a dumbass.

It was on the table when I got here, Matt said in his defense. Josh eyed the open magazine. You don't already know how to satisfy your boyfriends in bed? Matt ignored this. Did either of you know there's ninety-nine ways to give a blow job? That's ninety-nine nights of blow jobs. Look at you with the math skills, Josh said. Matt flipped him off while Ty flipped the page. 'How to Give Your Hoo-Ha a Spa Day.' Huh, he said. I didn't know a woman's hoo-ha needed a spa day.

Resetting the password only further frustrated her because the password had to include an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, and the blood of a virgin.

She wished now she'd brought that vibrator as a flashlight instead of leaving it on the couch.

He stared at her. "How is it that you're cute, sexy as hell, and smarter than anyone I know?" She gave him a small smile. "It's a gift.

Don't take life too seriously. After all, none of us are getting out alive anyway." PHOEBE TRAEGER

He eyed her cart with wry amusement. "You either have a lot of very little flashlights, or a busy vibrator.

Not despised. Despised is a little strong. It implies that I'd unplug your life support to charge my iPhone, so I save that word for things like chia seeds, infomercials, and slow walkers in the aisles of the grocery store.

You're sweet to humor me. He nearly choked on a fry. There was the sweet again. He should have killed someone this week; that would have taken care of that.

What does a sign on an out-of-business brothel say?" He beamed. "Beat it, we're closed.

Most of my wrinkles are from laughter, except for these right between my eyebrows. These are my 'WTF' lines and those suckers are deep, all given to me by our family dinners.

Maybe you were frisking her, Ethan suggested with a smile. In return, Jacob suggested something with his middle finger. Huh. Again with the no comment, Ethan noted. Maybe she wore out your tongue?

Nice," the clerk said without a smidgeon of judgment in his voice as he rang her up. "I especially like the way you've got the entire junk food pyramid represented here. That's not easy to do." She had a rack of donuts, two pies—one lemon, one cherry—a pint of caramel delight ice cream, a family-size bag of chips, and now cookies as well. "Bad breakup?" the clerk asked.

the good Lord put alcohol and carbs on this planet for a reason and I'll be damned if I'm going to let Him down.

The intimacy bridge? Girl, he sounds like a total loser. Dump him. Now. Before he brings up the intimacy bridge again.

Problem?" Riggs asked. "You mean other than my life sucks and I'm wearing a unicorn onesie?

No one likes pants. They're just one of life's fun burdens.

Your vibrator's batteries are going to die.

When I die, I'm going to slam into help, take off my bra, sit on Satan's lap, and say Hi, Honey, I'm home.

A dork is a whale's penis.

Tilly: How are you doing? Quinn: I'm thirty months pregnant, how do you think I'm doing? I'm peeing every two seconds and eating the house.

Did you just try to inhale me?" he asked, looking amused. "Ha." She crossed her arms. "You wish.

you think they let you have sex in the old people's home?" Lucille asked Callie. "Because I'd really miss it.

Guys named Chad probably only swam when playing water polo.