Quotes About Humor

Holy cheese toast

Brownies and a condom.

You crazy?" Tucker asked Jake.

Mudderfudder

I need a girl night. And you . . ." She divided a look between them. "You two need a cooling-off period." She shoved a brownie in Cam's hand, then pushed him over the threshold and shut the door in his face. "There. I thought he'd never leave.

She realized the murderous urges suggested that she, in fact, did not have this, but hey, no one was perfect.

they were all sweating like hookers in a confessional

You told everyone when I locked myself out last week. I fielded calls on that one all day long." "Yes, well, that's because you were wearing only your towel, which you dropped when you climbed in the window, mooning Mr. Kletzy across the street. Word is he hadn't seen a naked woman in fifty years. He's now requesting that next time you lose your towel at high noon because the light is better.

I'll have you know, I actually got a speeding ticket last year. 'For driving under the speed limit?

I've got a hot shower and an even hotter bed only ten minutes from here. Hotter bed? It's got a heater in it. She narrowed her eyes. It does not. Hand to heaven, he said. She narrowed her eyes. Does this 'heater' run on electricity? Nope.

Motherforker!

I can't actually tell if you're stunned by my brilliance or your own stupidity.

Tell me you're butt-ass naked beneath that trench coat," he said. "It'd really turn my day around." She crossed her arms. "I'm in costume!" "I can see that," he said. "Slutty nurse? Oh please, God, be the slutty nurse.

What's happened is a part of you now. Doesn't mean you have to take it seriously all the time. Joking is healthier than not dealing.

Hey, are you guys coming or what?" Caleb called to them from the trailhead. "Or do you need a room?" Kel looked at Ivy. "I hope you don't mind that I'm going to have to kill him. I'm sorry for your loss.

I used to think that love was all about red roses and expensive dinners. But the truth is, love is letting your mate steal a piece of bread off your plate. It's being awoken by snoring and refraining from shoving him out of bed. It's talking in code and trying to embarrass one another in public. It's going on adventures and making fun of each other. It's stupid fights and memorable make-ups." She squeezed Molly's hand.

Lucille smiled innocently. "Mischief managed." She sent Callie a wink and moved off.

You named your dildo." "No," she said. "Dildo is a town in Newfoundland, Canada. I have a . . ." She lowered her voice. "Vibrator.

Watch out," Aubrey said. "He doesn't like—" Ben squatted low and stroked the cat. Gus plopped onto his back with a grunt, exposing his belly for a rub. "—to be touched much," Aubrey finished, and then rolled her eyes as Gus soaked up Ben's affection, even sending Aubrey a "be jealous, bee-yotch" look from slitty eyes. Her cat was a man ho.

Hold on. Pru gave him a long look. if you're trying to say you don't want to do this after talking me into it, then let me be clear and say that I will run you through with my umbrella while you sleep. Finn blinked. That was oddly specific and violent.

There are people my age competing at the Olympics and I still try to enter Walmart through the exit-only door.

Mistletoe. Lorie snatched up the dried spirg, and held it to her chest like it was a bar of gold... It's for you. You want to kiss me? Well, why didn't you just say so? Hope leaned in and puckered up. Give me your best shot. Laughing, Lorie shoved her away. I don't want to kiss you. I want someone else to kiss you. A penis-carrying someone.

I think of my work as this kind of holy trinity — funny, dirty, sad. It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. It's really easy to do sad, you just put on some sad music and write dramatically — everybody can do that. It's really hard to get dirty right.

Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.