Quotes About Humor

Yeah, but I forgot to take my George Orwell-shaped multivitamins along with my breakfast bowl of Big Brother Os this morning.

Keep it up, wise guy. I'm always going to be taller than you once you're lying unconscious on the ground.

Thomas opened the throttle all the way and passed me, I kid you not, a shiny brass telescope. "Seriously?" I asked him. "Ever since those pirate movies came out, they're everywhere," he said. "I've got a sextant, too." "Any tent you have is a sex tent," I muttered darkly, extending the telescope. Thomas smirked.

Pansy, Murphy sneered. Thomas leered at her. You make my stamen tingle when you talk like that, Sergeant.

Unicorns, I said. Very dangerous. You go first.

Stop, Kincaid said in a calm voice. Unclench. Unclench what? Murphy demanded. Unclench your ass. Excuse me? You're going to trip the beam. You need another quarter inch. Relax. I am relaxed, Murphy growled. Oh, Kincaid said. Damn, great ass then.

You.... tapped that ass. Presumably it was, phat?

I got the sneaking suspicion that the vampire was a couple of Peeps short of an Easter basket.

She gave me a hard look. No one likes a wiseass, Harry. Are you kidding? As long as the wiseass is talking to someone else , people love 'em.

You need to know where to go, Sanya said. Yes. And you are going to consult four large pizzas for guidance. Yes, I said. The big man frowned for a moment. Then he said, There is, I think, humor here which does not translate well from English into sanity.

A second later the door opened and Murphy glared up at me, blue eyes bright and cold. Get more away. I've been fighting this computer all day long. I swear, if you blow out my hard drive again, I'm taking it out of your ass. Why would your hard drive be in my ass? I said.

Harry? Bob asked. Are your feet wet? And can you see the pyramids? I blinked. What? Earth to Dresden, Bob said. You are standing knee-deep in de Nile.

Got to die of something, Giraldi observed. Might as well put back a few pints while you wait to see what it is.

And you've got that look on your face again. I can't help it, Ehren said. You're about to walk to breakfast, arn't you, regardless of who is in the way? Yes, Tavi said. Ehren sighed. Let's hear it. Tavi told him the plan. That's insane, Ehren said. It could work. You arn't going to have anyone come along to bail you out this time, Ehren pointed out. Tavi grinned. Are you with me? The plan is insane, Ehren said. You are insane. He looked around inside the tent. I'll need some pants.

I like to think of it less as embezzling and more as an involuntary goodwill contribution.

Here's where I ask why don't you spend your time doing something safer and more boring. Like maybe administering suppositories to rabid gorillas.

Faeries like pizza? I asked. Oh, Harry, Toot said breathlessly. Haven't you ever had pizza before? Of course I have, I said. Toot looked wounded. And you didn't share?

No," she said. "You are not Patrick Swayze. I am not Demi Moore." She touched a switch on the little box and it started ticking. "And this sure as hell isn't pottery class.

Thomas barked out a laugh. There are seven of us against the Red King and his thirteen most powerful nobles, and it's going well? Mouse sneezed. Eight, Thomas corrected himself. He rolled his eyes and said, And the psycho death faerie makes it nine. It is like movie, Sanya said, nodding. Dibs on Legolas.

I felt like I had just double-tapped Santa.

You don't have to make fun of it. Actually I do, I said. I make fun of almost everything.

Butters, rumbled Skaldi Hair Ball. If he really had broken fingers, it didn't look like they were bothering him much. When are you going to get in this ring and train like a man? About five minutes after I get a functional lightsaber, Butters replied easily, much to Hair Ball's amusement.

There was a roar from the shadow-tiger mask around the Harley, and Murphy swept up alongside the boat. I leapt down onto the back of the bike in a single smooth motion, which I felt was cool, and landed with too much of my weight on my genitals, which I felt was not.

You're a cop. I need a doughnut.