Quotes About Humor

I have a problem with creepy, dead, poisonous things. So sue me.

I love you," Journeyman said to the lift crystal. He kissed it and spread his arms across its surface in an embrace. "I love you, you big, beautiful beast. I want you to marry me. I want you to bear my children." "Chief," Grimm said, reproachfully, but his heart wasn't in it.

Just keep the shirt clean," Susan muttered. "No problem. I can wipe my fingers on the cummerbund." "I can't take you anywhere," Susan said.

That's so typical. You won't steal a baby, but you're too lazy to conjugate.

But even with centuries of experience, I doubted any of them had ever been hit with a water balloon. Or with a holy-water balloon, either.

I've always admired your ability to make jokes when faced with adversity.

she bowed just low enough to draw the young man's [Daniel Carpenter] eyes to her décolletage. He flushed and looked away sternly. After a second. Tough to blame the kid. I've been a young man. Boobs are near the center of the universe.

Thomas hooked a thumb at Butters. Check out Dr. Marcus Welby, MD, here. I'd have gone with Doogie Howser, maybe, I said. Split the difference at McCoy? Thomas asked? Perfect.

Run away. Me and Monty Python.

I looked past him to the snack table. It was indeed piled with doughnuts of a number of varieties. Some of them even had sprinkles. My mouth started a quick impression of a minor tributary. But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil, damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness . . . . . . which could obviously be redeemed only by passing through the fiery, cleansing inferno of a wizardly digestive tract.

And here I thought global warming was due to cow farts. - Harry Dresden

There was no milk in the icebox, and I wasn't pouring Coke onto breakfast cereal. That would just be odd.

I'm getting dumber by the minute," I confirmed. "Ask anybody.

Back-to-back, Bayard replied, and Grimm felt the sudden, wiry pressure of the other man's shoulders pressed against the middle of his back. I should be friends with taller people, Grimm panted. Bite your tongue, old boy, or I'll hack apart your ankles.

Try not to look like that, Ascher said under breath, after we were in the elevator. Like what? I asked. Like you're expecting ninjas to leap out of the trash cans. This is a party. Everyone knows there's no such things as ninjas, I scoffed. But it will be something. Count on it.

Whatever," I said. "It's getting cloying in here. Are we there yet?" He smiled. "Jerk." "Wuss." "Jackass." "Pansy." "Philistine." "Dandysprat." "Butthead." "Whiner …

Does it hurt to be as suave as you, boss?" "It's agonizing." "Looks it.

Hi, God, it's me, Harry. Please don't turn me into a pillar of salt.

Screw up my life?" He stared at me for a second and then said, deadpan, "I'm a five-foot-three, thirty-seven-year-old, single, Jewish medical examiner who needs to pick up his lederhosen from the dry cleaners so that he can play in a one-man polka band at Oktoberfest tomorrow." He pushed up his glasses with his forefinger, folded his arms, and said, "Do your worst.

You think you're funny." "Oh, I know I'm funny. Unappreciated, but funny.

Evil food smells amazing—which is either proof that there is a Satan or some equivalent out there, or that the Almighty doesn't actually want everyone to eat organic tofu all the time. I can't decide.

Fuck a Smurf and call him Gimpy, is that who I think it is?

You're such a cynic," Molly said. "I think cynics are playful and cute.

That woman, Grimm said quietly, drives me quite insane. Kettle grunted. Why'd you marry her, then?