Quotes About Humor

I even heard that they can bring people back from the dead. Jesus, Butter swore. I kinda doubt they had anything to do with that one. No, no, I meant -- I know what you meant. t was a joke, Butters.

I respected the man. It didn't mean that I wouldn't pants him on national television if I got the opportunity

Sometimes I forget how much I like riding the bike." "Most chicks do," I said. "Roar of the engine and so on." Murphy's blue eyes glittered with annoyance and anticipation. "Pig. You really enjoy dropping all women together in the same demographic, don't you?" "It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels.

Kestus idly added theoretical torture to the theoretical murder, because done right, it might be funny.

You always a wiseass?" "No. Sometimes I'm asleep." He

I mean, stars and stones. Two million bucks would buy you a lot of ramen.

You're a genuine Greek god. You're the Lord of the Underworld. And . . . you named your dog Spot?

Butters blinked and looked at Thomas. "My God," he said. "You've been shot." Thomas hooked a thumb at Butters. "Check out Dr. Marcus Welby, MD, here." "I'd have gone with Doogie Howser, maybe," I said. "Split the difference at McCoy?" Thomas asked. "Perfect." "You've been shot!" Butters repeated, exasperated.

Crap," I said. I'm quite eloquent in times of crisis

Being mostly dead is hard on a guy.

You need to know where to go," Sanya said. "Yes." "And you are going to consult four large pizzas for guidance." "Yes," I said. The

So, ladies, if you ever have some conversation with your boyfriend or husband or brother or male friend, and you are telling him something perfectly obvious, and he comes away from it utterly clueless? I know it's tempting to think to yourself, "The man can't possibly be that stupid!" But yes. Yes, he can.

Nipple erection on command—now that's method acting. Oh

Harry Dresden Taxidermy. If you snuff it, we'll stuff it.

I wonder what it says about me that pizza has been one of the better long-term investments in my career.

Inari screamed and swung her stake, but her Buffy impersonation wasn't any better than mine.

People who are scared need to laugh, and the scarier things are, the more they need it.

All we need is a stuffed animal." He stared at me. "Wh-what did you say?" "A stuffed animal, man!" I roared at him. "Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!

Cujo growled at me in the rearview mirror again, and I beamed at him. Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.

Where's Ivy Past her bedtime, Kincaid said without smiling. I'm her proxy. Oh, I said. She has a bedtime? Kincaid checked his watch, She believes very strongly in an early bedtime for children. Heh, heh, eh-heh. I don't fake amused chuckles well.

Thomas, like most men, regarded a throw pillow as something to throw.

I should far rather be drunk than eaten, Miss Lancaster," Ferus said in a serious tone. "As should we all. Very well, that's settled.

You'll get through it." "What if I don't?" I squeezed her fingers. "Then I will personally make fun of you every day for the rest of your life," I said. "I will call you a sissy girl in front of everyone you know, tie frilly aprons on your car, and lurk in the parking lot at CPD and whistle and tell you to shake it, baby. Every. Single. Day.

Give me your gun," I said. "Why?" "So that the next time you start talking I can shoot your wise ass.