Quotes About Humor

What's up, boss?" "Evil's afoot." "Well, sure," Bob said, "because it refuses to learn the metric system. Otherwise it'd be up to a meter by now.

No matter how severe Vadderung's people might be, they're always cheered by the chance to give you a hard time.

My double snorted. "That's good. That really is, the banter thing. I can't do the banter very well. Maybe that's why you're in charge. Of course, if I was in charge more often, you'd get laid a lot more—but no, that's not it, either.

Five white candles surrounded my summoning circle, the points of an invisible pentacle. White for protection. And because they're the cheapest color at Wal-Mart. Hey, being a wizard doesn't make money grow on trees.

Let he who hath never worn parachute pants cast the first stone.

He nodded slowly. "Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka." "That some kind of Russian saying?" I asked. "Have you seen traditional folk dances?" Sanya asked. "Imagine them being done by someone with a bottle of vodka in them. Laughter abounds, and you survive another day." He shrugged. "Or break your neck. Either way, it is pain management.

Nobel prize for pornography.

You're going to lose that hand. - I was sending it back to the kitchen anyway. I ordered it medium well.

Got to die of something," Giraldi observed. "Might as well put back a few pints while you wait to see what it is.

A big assumption. And when you assume, you make an ass out of you and umption.

I'm brilliant as well as skilled," he said modestly. "It's a great burden, all of that on top of my angelic good looks. But I try to soldier on as best I can.

It's a curse to be so damned talented when I'm already obscenely good-looking, but I try to soldier on as best I can.

Deep fry that sucker! - Garfield

I never met a lasagna I didn't like

Jon: Our only thought is to entertain you! Garfield: Feed me.

I've never met a lasagna I didn't like

No monster could ever stand up to your dog breath.

There is a spine of goofiness in America that has never been deterred by literacy

Un ordinateur portable est fondamentalement un bâton utilisé par un chimpanzé pour faire sortir les délicieuses fourmis hors d'un trou dans une bûche.

A few weeks ago, passing through my grocer's, I bought a packet of dehydrated French's pork gravy. The label noted that this gravy was award-winning. Since I have never won an award, who am I to question this gravy?

I did it with two big ole girls over in Munising once but I didn't write home about it. One of them fell down in the motel shower and we had a deuce of a time getting her out until I turned on the cold water to sober her up.

Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself to seriously. And beware of advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliament.

Cara: *Flies* Gen: What? I don't have wings! Cara: Ofcourse not! You're a boy.

Stealing goods from a town store would be a criminal offense and provoke righteous indignation. Stealing muskrats from his swamp would be just another example of what the hillmen were always doing to each other and provoke, at the very most, a sympathetic chuckle. Even