Quotes About Humor

I don't think our death ray is working. I'm standing right in it, and I'm not dead yet.

Old gardeners never die. They just spade away and then throw in the trowel.

I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure.

Give me B movies or give me death!

In case you're not a computer person, I should probably point out that 'Real Soon Now' is a technical term meaning 'sometime before the heat-death of the universe, maybe'.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.

When we are dealing with death we are constantly being dragged down by the event: Humor diverts our attention and lifts our sagging spirits.

If you try to go for a laugh, it's death to the comedy. Personally, that's how I approach comedy. But I'm no expert.

Cake and tea or death?

I play Hopkins' daughter. Brad Pitt plays Death. He's a very-good looking Death. With him, dying isn't so bad.

Watching 'The Sound of Music' is like being beaten to death by a Hallmark card.

When I reach the shades at last it will no doubt astonish Satan to discover, on thumbing my dossier, that I was a member of the Y.M.C.A.

I'll be mellow when I'm dead.

I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they don't really think it's a funny joke.

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.

Even death is wonderful because, as Woody Allen says, we're not going to know when it happens.

When death comes too near, comedy and tragedy fall silent.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

We all think we know what happens after death. But maybe it's going to be not only weird but also dorky and comic and inconsistent.

He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.

I have a strong theory that all the dead people are looking down and laughing and smiling and saying "Oh look, they are so upset about the death thing."