Quotes About Humor

Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

What monstrous absurdities and paradoxes have resisted whole batteries of serious arguments, and then crumbled swiftly into dust before the ringing death-knell of a laugh!

I want them to play Britney Spears at my funeral. This way I won't feel so bad about being dead, and everyone there will know there is something worse than Death.

Don't take yourself too seriously. And take yourself as seriously as death itself.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.

I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals.

Death laughs when old women frolic.

I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.

Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come.

What will I be doing in twenty years' time? I'll be dead, darling! Are you crazy?

Journalist: 'Have you received any death threats?' Harry Redknapp: 'Only from the wife when I didn't do the washing up!'.

Death was Patrick Henry's second choice.

I checked the actuarial tables, and the lowest death rate is among six-year-olds. So I decided to eat like a six-year-old.

Here lies Matthew Mudd, Death did him no hurt; When alive he was only Mudd, But now he's only dirt.

Here lies William Trollope, Who made these stones roll up; When death took his soul up, His body filled this hole up

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.

Studies find top 3 most stressful moments in people's lives: death, divorce, and properly pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce."

Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.