Quotes About Humor

I mean, Dad's - you know, Dad's friendliest tone was a scream.

When my children complain that I'm forgetful, I remind them that DAD is just ADD spelled sideways.

(Don Fey had a large rubber stamp that said "bullshit, " which was and is awesome.)

We're not dating," Alec said again. "Oh?" Magnus said. "So you're just that friendly with everybody, is that it?

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

He just got in the car, but the batteries dead. So he asks to use the phone and she gives him some head.

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

I always say now that I'm in my blonde years. Because since the end of my marriage, all of my girlfriends have been blonde.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

dating you would be like a series of unnecessary root canals interspersed with occasional makeout sessions.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.

Computer dating? It's terrific if you're a computer!

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

I've never done online dating.

When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?

Ah, now, don't get all mushy on me. We ain't dating." Butch

President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.

Nice: meaning I'm going to be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them - to you.

Do Mom and Dad know you're dating a homicidal lunatic? (Madaug) No, and if you tell them, I'll superglue your fingertips to your keyboard. (Eric)