Quotes About Humor

he was about as erotic as an old football coach.

Well, I don't know who wrote this, said Francis at last, his tone offhand and perfectly casual, but whoever they were, they certainly couldn't spell.

Personally, I wouldn't mind Alzheimer's. You buy one magazine, and you're entertained for the rest of your life.

God, you're so hot, Irena. When are we going to get together, have ourselves a litter of little kiggens?" "On the first of never, Andy. And they wouldn't be kiggens. They'd be pities.

He wore a blazer, or more accurately, three XL blazers sewn together. I could fit my whole body into one of his pant legs. My tiny thirty-two caliber Seecamp in my boot heel wouldn't do shit to this man. If I shot him, the bullets would wet themselves and run away, crying. I

He had to be putting me on. No one was this slow outside of HEE HAW.

Holly hit her head against the shelving unit, and I grabbed her hair and helped her hit her head two more times. There was no tae kwon do name for that maneuver, but it felt great.

If I recall, your weapon was dragging people behind your car for miles, then spraying them with lemon juice." "Organic lemon juice," Lucy corrected.

If you're stuck in hell, you might as well roast some marshmallows. Conversation,

I know a place that serves great falafel." "Falafel?" "No, I don't feel awful." Herb grinned. "I feel pretty good.

You act like you have a saggy diaper that leaks." "Maybe you need to take your Shut-The-Hell-Up pill.

I'm guessing GoLYTELY isn't a taste sensation." "They claim it's chocolate-flavored. More like chalk-flavored. I'd rather drink a gallon of paint.

I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet. Maybe an airbag too.

Well, your ass doesn't look too bad." "Thanks, Roy. You've got a cute ass yourself." "I meant, I don't think you're gonna bleed to death." Bert laughed. "And just two minutes ago, I was hoping I'd bleed to death." Roy eyed the stake. "I bet. Nasty.

Don't get angry, Porky." Harry grinned.

I believe that every woman over fifty should stay in bed until noon," she said, quite seriously.

believe that every woman over fifty should stay in bed until noon," she said, quite seriously.

I think Dr. Leslie's in love with me. I certainly hope so. Not that I want him to suffer. But I figure that if my gynecologist's in love with me, I must have a very interesting mind.

You've got no sense of humor." "I'm going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass.

Do you think the penis ever gets tired?" Whose? Anybody's. I mean anybody with one. Does the penis ever just think: for God's sake pal, give it a rest? Or is it all: Woo-who!! Here we go again!

Eve: "Keep your mind off sex" Roake: "Why? It's so happy there.

Eve: "Was that like a cookie?" Roarke: "Hmmm?" Eve: "You know, have a cookie. You'll feel better. Were you making me feel better?" Roarke: "I certainly hope so, it worked for me. I wanted you. I always do." Eve: "It's funny how men can wake up with their brains in their cocks." Roarke: "It makes us what we are. Let's take a shower. I'll give you another cookie.

I hear the cock woke you up." Eve choked on her coffee. "What?" "Not that kind of cock." Sinead sent a sparkling look over her shoulder. "Though if that's true as well, good for you. I meant the rooster.

Though on dry land Joey D seemed as if he were on the verge of a nervous breakdown, at sea he was an expert relaxer. On cue he could release all the tension in his muscles and bob along like a jellyfish—a 260-pound Irish jellyfish. I watched his face as he floated, a mask of pure serenity I'd never witnessed on any man. Then his face became still more serene, and I realized that he must be peeing.