Quotes About Humor

Mmmm... the comedy that matters is the comedy you pull out of thin air. It's a bit like when something funny has happened and you try to explain it to someone else and end up saying, 'You had to be there.'

Honey, I just forgot to duck.

Serious people have few ideas," said Paul Valéry. "People with ideas are never serious.

He's so stupid. Honestly, when he makes alphabet soup it spells out D-U-M-B.

Oh sweet cheeze-us!" I wailed, and dropped butt-first onto the table. "Ohhh! Cheeze-us-crust!" I

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't been invented back then!

What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent!

Shakespeare invented the Knock Knock joke, with the first one appearing in his play Macbeth. Here it is (and prepare yourself, it's a cracker)... 'Knock, knock, knock! Who's there, i' th' name of Beelzebub? Here's a farmer that hanged himself on the expectation of plenty. Come in time, have napkins enough about you, here you'll sweat for 't.

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared.

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmm boy!

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

A modern story of Mullah Nasrudin, the Sufi teacher and holy fool, tells of him entering a bank and trying to cash a check. The teller asks him to please identify himself. Nasrudin reaches in his pocket and pulls out a small mirror. Looking into it, he says, "Yep, that's me all right." Meditation

Meditation is a practice that can teach us to enter each moment with wisdom, lightness, and a sense of humor. It is an art of opening and letting go, rather than accumulation or struggle. Then, even within our frustrations and difficulties, a remarkable inner sense of support and perspective can grow.

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG.

my mother never saw the irony of calling me a "son of a bitch

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Never rub another mans rhubarb

If you've got short, stubby fingers and wear reading glasses, any relaxation you would normally derive from fly fishing is completely eliminated when you try to tie on a fly.