Quotes About Humor

She was halfway through the second yard when she heard Cyprien fall and curse. No man in the world will turn down a blow job, Alex thought as she dodged through yards and around the houses, putting as much distance between them as she could. And no man, not even Cyprien, could chase a girl with his pans down.

Once, [Rabbi Chanoch] Teller was traveling with 16 of his [18] offspring ... while changing planes in Frankfurt, Teller noticed a German woman gaping. 'Are all of these your children?' the woman asked. 'From one wife?' 'Yes, God has blessed me with all these children,' the rabbi replied. 'Haven't you heard about the population problem?'the woman sniffed. 'How many more children do you want to have?' Rabbi Teller paused and looked the woman in the eye: 'About 6 million,' he said.

But at least I have my health," he said. It was a joke.

How many performance artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know. I left early.

Thurber was asked by a correspondent: "Why did you have a comma in the sentence, 'After dinner, the men went into the living-room'?" And his answer was probably one of the loveliest things ever said about punctuation. "This particular comma," Thurber explained, "was Ross's way of giving the men time to push back their chairs and stand up.

In the family of punctuation, where the full stop is daddy and the comma is mummy, and the semicolon quietly practises the piano with crossed hands, the exclamation mark is the big attention-deficit brother who gets overexcited and breaks things and laughs too loudly.

I always thought a laughing philosopher a much wiser man than the sniveling one (cmizdrenje)

Have you ever seen An American Werewolf in London ? Well, I'm not American. I'm not a werewolf, and this isn't London.

I know that sounds weird, but it's hard to be scared or even angry at a guy in Spider-Man pajamas,"- Greg

Lucern felt himself "She called my erections wonderful?" Entienne just gaped, then raised a fist to knock on his brother's forehead as if it were a door "Hello! Earth calling Luc! She thinks it's rigor mortis.

Alex grinned and then walked past him, murmuring, "I applaud you for your courage." "Courage?" he asked with confusion. "Hmm." She headed for the door to the hall, swinging her purse gaily as she went. "Many men find it difficult to come out of the closet.

I guess we both lose the bet. What bet Thomas asked entering the room. Boxers or briefs Jeanne Louise answered. I was betting boxers and Elspeth thought briefs. Instead he went commando!! So be warned ladies, don't assume they are wearing any undies!!

Mr. Sourpuss Pants God I love her Nicholas " Thomas crowed. When he noticed that neither Nicholas nor Inez looked impressed by the words he added quickly "In a totally sister-in-law type fashion of course.

You aren't angry " "You must be joking " she said dryly. "I'm alive Nicholas. And I'm immortal like you. This rocks

Some moms are equipped by the hand of God to be "that mom." They have been formed with the three-C gene — Cooking, Crafting, and Cleaning come easily and naturally to them. Others of us have been delightfully chosen to provide the comic relief necessary to keep this world entertained. And to keep future therapists in business.

Lord, have mercy on all that jiggles on me. And my soul. And my obviously whacked-out brain.

The moral of this story is simple. Some moms are equipped by the hand of God to be "that mom." They have been formed with the three-C gene — Cooking, Crafting, and Cleaning come easily and naturally to them. Others of us have been delightfully chosen to provide the comic relief necessary to keep this world entertained. And to keep future therapists in business.

I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.

I was like 'Okay, sure, fine, whatever swings your string,' and she was all 'Babycakes you swing my string,' which is a really nice thing for someone to say to you, especially before you use mouthwash

I am not in the mood to have my underwear examined.

Subtlety is one of the few forms of entertainment allowed me," the Divine said, grinning.

You're one funny enchilada

Dear reader. Dear, dear reader. Here we find ourselves, you and me, engaged in a book in which someone has just exclaimed, in all seriousness, 'The sentient lobsters!' How did we end up here? Did we make some mistake along the way?

I hope,' muttered Jasper, 'we do not ever shop again at a place where vampires can buy clip-on bow ties. You would think with all of eternity in front of them, they could take the time to learn a simple knot.