Quotes About Humor

If Moses had come through Meffis on his way to the fukkin Promised Land, them Israelites woulda been sayin' stuff like, "Screw a buncha manna, muthafukka. Han' me a 'cue!

By George, I had forty-seven pregnant women with horns trying to take a razoo at me.

I'm raising jailbait in a valley full of horny soldiers; it is never too early to start drinking.

Yes, my bug-out bag is packed," Faith said and grimaced. "'Where's your bug-out bag?' 'Is your bug-out bag packed?' 'What's your inventory?' 'Why did I get the insane parents?

a giant, stoned, hyperactive catzilla

Gotta love high-tech rednecks, Weaver said

how's it hanging? One lower than the other

Some of the locals have rendered assistance, Weaver said. I'd make a redneck joke but I are one.

But the laughter was like a water bug on a pond, skating across the surface of his mind. He was amused and he laughed, but nothing was deeply funny; life was simply stupid most of the time.

I could live here," Del said. "No, you couldn't. You'd turn into a coot and hang out at the general store, with your fly down," Lucas said. "You'd be known for goosing middle-aged women. You'd be the town embarrassment.

The nun said, "I can forgive the language. I'm not sure I can forgive your making an obscene gesture at your mother." "Ya gotta know her," Holland said. "If you knew her, you'd give her the finger, too.

There are more numb-nuts around here than in the Florida state legislature, which, believe me, was a whole passel of numb-nuts.

Schiffer recoiled: "Oh, Jesus Christ, Taryn, don't give me a heart attack," she said, clutching at her chest. "Remember: no sense of humor. How many times do I have to tell you that: No sense of humor. Humor can get you in all kinds of shit and we've got this won, if we don't get funny.

Cops and schoolteachers," Sloan said with satisfaction. "A cop and schoolteacher bar. The teachers drink like fish. The cops hit on the schoolteachers. One big happy family.

I mean, the guy could fall in a barrel of titties and come out suckin' his thumb.

So what killed him? Virgil asked. I'm thinking aliens. You mean like, Canadians?

This boy's been married so often he's got rice burns on his face.

Shrake asked. "I'm sweating like a blind lesbian in a sushi bar.

old musicians never die, they just decompose.

Lucas glanced at him and said, with a grin, "Bell is sometimes too social . . . if you know what I mean." "He talks too much," Robertson said. "But he's a good guy," Lucas said. "Yeah, he is," Robertson said. He leaned back in the seat and put his feet up on the dash, caught himself and said, "Whoops. Sorry about that.

sweating like a blind lesbian in a sushi bar.

LUCAS GOT HOME, changed into jeans, a wool vest over a white dress shirt, and an Italian cotton sport coat, blue-black in color that would be excellent, he thought, for nighttime shoot-outs. It hadn't yet been tested for that. When he got back downstairs, Flowers had come in, wearing a barn coat, jeans, and carrying a felt cowboy hat. His high-heeled cowboy boots made him an inch taller than Lucas. "There better not be a fuckin' horse in my driveway," Lucas said.

walked back to Wood with a Wiener schnitzel on a stick and two Diet Cokes. He sat on the curb next to Wood, handed him a Diet Coke, and said, "For your own good." "Fuck you very much," Wood said. "But I suppose you're right.

Lucas nodded at him and said to the younger cop, "If you think that haircut makes you look like a Ranger, it doesn't. It makes you look like a fuckin' whorehouse doorknob." "Yeah, well, fuck you, too," the younger cop said. The older cop said, "Whorehouse doorknob? That's good. I'll have to remember that.