Quotes About Humor

It's a funny old world.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

What's the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business.

Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.

April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.

The more you exaggerate, the more you will look funny!

I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.

Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you.

If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless for that long. A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way.

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while, " he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here.

What are you doing here?"All right, he was standing in front of an easel, holding a paint palette and brush. "Taxidermy?" he responded with just a touch of his own sarcasm.

For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person. (on Margaret Thatcher)

Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!

Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers we get Aquatruck.