Quotes About Humor

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.

To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life.

My dad loved to laugh. He was very funny and very silly.

My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.

Comedy. It was just huge in my house. Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness, Monty Python and all those James Bond movies were highly regarded.

That was one of my dad's greatest gifts, as well as one of the greatest characteristics of the English, they find things funny quickly. My dad would say, 'There is nothing so terrible that can't be laughed at.

Every time we'd pass a cemetery, he'd say, 'That's the dead center of Toronto. People are dying to get in there, mate.

When a comedy was on in our apartment, everything was better. Somehow, even the apartment smelled better.

Me on Halloween. I went into a supermarket thinking that I wouldn't be recognized in such elaborate makeup. A young lady approached me and said, "You are him, right?" I thought to myself, "How could anyone recognize me? The makeup took me three hours!" Reluctantly I said, "Yes." The lady said, "Mister Colonel Sanders, it is an honour to meet you.

We were called The Toilets originally - we were flushed with success.

We still couldn't use "ass" any way we pleased. In one script, we had the phrase "up his ass"; Fox censors asked us to change it to "in his ass." That seemed worse, but we did as they asked.

So Smithers is the first man in history to go from black and straight to white and gay. The second was Michael Jackson.

I once asked her, after reading a Dixie cup riddle, "What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?" The cup's answer was "Finding half a worm in an apple." My grandma Rosie's answer? "Having someone shove an umbrella up your tuchis . . . and then open it.

Seinfeld's a hit? Give him a wife, you've got Mad About You. Throw in some kids—it's Everybody Loves Raymond. Make it suck—and it's Home Improvement.

featured an eight-year-old boy who saved his friend who was choking to death. When asked where he learned the Heimlich, he said, "It was on a poster on The Simpsons." True story.

I began to think a joke was not truly good unless someone got hit for telling it.

He also cut another bit we liked—a character named Gravy Wallace who loved gravy. That was it—Gravy Wallace loved gravy. Maybe the showrunner was right and it was stupid. But maybe Gravy could've been the next Disco Stu.

Comedy, like composting, involves smart recycling.

HOLY CHEESELESS PIZZA!

Gonna have to give myself a mental enema when we get back to the TARDIS.

Love is not like a potato--you can't throw it out the window.

Punch a man on the nose, kick an old man downstairs, shoot somebody or any old thing like that, that's my job. But argue with women in love—no thank you!

I'd thought I'd felt like shit that day, but really I'd barely even entered the intestine.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.