Quotes About Humor

That's the one nice thing about being a dork about men: you can sometimes play it off as restrained and classy.

What else should I know? (1) There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. (2) I would like to be friends with Beyoncé Knowles.

Besides, who wants to read about success, anyway? Successful serial murderers, maybe.

How is your love life, Minz?" she would ask hungrily, hoping to be entertained by raunchy details. I had none. "Um, you know. So hard to meet guys," I answered vaguely, hoping my lack of a sex life would seem mysterious and not pathetic.

As you can see, when I write, I like to look like I'm recovering from tuberculosis.

Be like Allan Pearl. Sit next to the class clown and study him. Then grow up, take everything you learned, and get paid to be a real-life clown, unlike whatever unexciting thing the actual high school class clown is doing now.

No pasta. I'm serious. I will climb out of my coffin if anyone brings a baked ziti.

Um, Mindy is much less like Elizabeth Bennet than she is a combination of Carrie Bradshaw and Eric Cartman.

I have the opposite of a dry sense of humor, so I'm always impressed by it. My sense of humor is wet and loud and risqué, like topless day at the water park.

Unfortunately, I can't be Tina, because it's very difficult to lure her into a Freaky Friday – type situation where we could switch bodies, even though in the movies they make it look so easy. Believe me, I've tried.

Our Klutz clangs into Stop signs while riding a bike, and knocks over giant displays of expensive fine china. Despite being five foot nine and weighing 110 pounds, she is basically like a drunk buffalo who has never been a part of human society. But Fred Tom loves her anyway.

When I was twenty-five, I went on exactly four dates with a much older guy whom I'll call Peter Parker. I'm calling him Peter Parker because the actual guy's name was also alliterative, and because, well, it's my book and I'll name a guy I dated after Spider-Man's alter ego if I want to.

I don't read them; I just hit "accept." iTunes may own my ovaries, for all I know.

Mom was impressed but didn't want me to go overboard, which was impossible, because I was still eating a lot. I just had taken a break from eating like a professional football player.

10. I will never have a husband and all my female acquaintances will. 11. I WILL have a husband and he will be like my female acquaintances' husbands.

1) There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. (2) I would like to be friends with Beyoncé Knowles.

When Your Boyfriend Fits into Your Jeans and Other Atrocities

Playful arguments would become fits of uncontrollable laughter, and, like magic, that experience would be crystallized into a private joke, and the private joke would get boiled down to a simple phrase, which became a

Soulmates" is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.

It's been proven that writers are funnier when they are demoralized.

One very gratifying compliment I sometimes hear is that women want to be my best friend. This endlessly amuses my actual best friend, Jocelyn, because in her estimation I'm 'a good friend, but not that great.

From now on, let's all agree that hooking up = sex. Everything else is "made out." And if you're older than twenty-eight, then just kissing someone doesn't count for crap and is not even worth mentioning. Unless you're Mormon, in which case you're going to hell.

I enter the party with my heart racing, scrambling to find the nearest bar, and ultimately wind up talking for hours to the teenage daughters of the host, who love The Office. After answering all the girls' questions about John Krasinski, I say I need to use the restroom, secretly exit through the back, and sprint to my car, never to be heard from again.

I really ought to send him some money, but, honestly, he doesn't need it. He has that sweet Despicable Me money.