Quotes About Humor

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise.

That man is such a damn turd monkey." "Grandma!" I said. "Oh, Zoeybird, did I just call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?" "Yes, Grandma, you did." She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.

Actually, since I'm gay I think I should count for two guys instead of just one. I mean, in me you get the male point of view and you don't have to worry about me wanting to touch your boobies.

Nerd herd, focus. You're here to help the fledglings. Dour One and Dour Two aren't important," said Aphrodite. "Dr. Seuss reference. I like it," Stark said, giving me a check-me-out-I've-always-read-books hottie grin. Aphrodite frowned at him. "I said focus, not flirt.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'" "The mood will pass, sir.

It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

Enjoy yourselves. And Hap: Don't let Umber near the arrows and bows; he's liable to shoot himself in the nose." Dodd grinned and snapped the reins, and the carriage rolled away. Umber sniffed. "One of his lesser poems. Come, Hap.

Si dice che tirino più due tette di un paio di buoi, ma la vera arma segreta di una donna, per prendere all'amo un uomo, è dimostrare di provare una certa ammirazione per lui. Per mia fortuna conosco il trucco e quindi mi concentro sulle tette.

Cuánto agradezco a las bondades del destino, el que nos haya dado a los mexicanos de verdad, en estos momentos difíciles, un presidente feo, al que le quedan mal los fracs, que no luce bigote, al que la barba no le acaba de salir del todo, que no sabe montar a caballo y a duras penas en mula y al que le gusta el chocolate sopeado. Esta es la patria que me agrada y por la que suspiro.

Un detective mexicano era por definición un risueño accidente solitario.

Trató de encender el cigarrillo que ya había encendido. Los tuertos hacen cosas así, se dijo buscando una imposible disculpa.

Ma, I'm gonna stay home and watch Sid Caesar. THE MOTHER You gonna die without a son. MARTY So I'll die without a son. THE MOTHER Put on your blue suit... MARTY Blue suit, gray suit, I'm still a fat little man. A fat little ugly man.

I didn't set out to do a gay comic, but given the current political and religious climate in this country, I feel it is important as a gay person, and a Christian, to create stories with humor and honesty.

Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say 'I've got cancer' and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy?" —

I know my mom still wears lingerie and jumps out of closets to scare my dad. She's always joked that she tries to give him a heart attack so she can get his coin collection. But now she's actually worried that she might give him a heart attack. And the coin collection may not exist, so she's being gentler on him.

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

My sons think it's a fireman's pole, but I forgot to cut a hole through the ground into the kitchen.

Dorkangelo" - Marc Hunter

Got enough leg room there, Rossiter?" Marc asked. "You bet. If not I'll just make use of the overhead bin.