Quotes About Humor

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.

It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.

Violists hate it when we violinists crack viola jokes.

It had been about as fun as a fun run, an oxymoron if she had ever heard one, with heavy emphasis on the moron part.

Pryor's comedy isn't based on suspiciousness about whites, or on anger, either; he's gone way past that. Whites are unbelievable to him.

Tatiana hugged him and said, "And here's mine: 'Honey, what do you prefer—my beautiful body or my beautiful face?'" "Your sense of humor," returned Alexander, holding her to him until she couldn't breathe.

Ladies," Alexander said, his arm around Tatiana's neck, "we're newlyweds." He raised his eyebrows. "Do you really want us in your house?

My mom and dad are both in stand-up comedy, so that's where I started, that's where I got everything. My roots are holding the mic.

Ah well, perhaps one has to be very old before one learns how to be amused rather than shocked.

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns to be amused rather than shocked.

Eran pelandrujas. Inconfundibles. Movían la pelvis provocativamente, se reían a carcajadas sin motivo.

La pobre novela de la risa nacional se complace en inventar estereotipos de pobres hilachentos y mujeres de cuatro dientes, degradados por el sin sentido de sus parches.

público chileno que tanto ama la ridiculización de sus personajes populares.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

How to Comfort Yourself When You Have Acted Like a Jackass Everyone does this occasionally, and you shouldn't feel too upset about it unless it happens quite often, such as three times a day, in which case you must simply get used to it. Remember, other people like you as well or better for it, because it makes them feel so superior; so you've spread a little sunshine. And at the very least, you've served as a bad example.

She was secretly amused by the man who managed to give the impression of moving in all directions while standing still.

Wit penetrates; humor envelops. Wit is a function of verbal intelligence; humor is imagination operating on good nature.

Amelia Bedelia," said Mrs. Rogers, "Christmas is just around the corner." "It is?" said Amelia Bedelia. "Which corner?" Mrs. Rogers lauhged and said, "I mean tomorrow is Christmas Day." "I know that," said Amelia Bedelia.