Quotes About Humor

1 in 5 people have dandruff. 1 in 4 people have mental health problems. I've had both.

Your medical tests are in. You're short fat and bald.

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

doctor to stout patient: You've been swallowing your food again.

I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.

Ladies and gentlemen after what I've been through I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the bright side of things until the bright side actually comes along.

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.

A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it.

Now, have I ever been tempted to break into a Krispy Kreme doughnut store in the middle of the night? Oh, yeah. God help us if I had a mini-bar stocked with cheesecake and chicken-fried steak.

I suppose you are two fathoms deep in mathematics, and if you are, then God help you. For so am I, only with this difference: I stick fast in the mud at the bottom, and there I shall remain.

I think a sense of humor will help get a girl out of a dark place.

Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

I am a fool, I know it; and yet, Heaven help me, I'm poor enough to be a wit.

There is humor in the darkest of moments - People who I have loved and passed away, and very high stake situations where you can't help but laugh. I think that's very human.

I'm a busy author with a sense of Humor, so hang, it's a bumpy ride"!

Laughter is the most powerful weapon against verbal attack anyone can have.

I think it's critical, a sense of humor. It did help me - it does help me, continuously.

I think comedy is a good way to help people change their minds. I think that if you're laughing and getting a message across, it's a lot easier than when somebody is screaming in your face.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'

Writing for children is as easy as describing the history of the Byzantium in three words.