Quotes About Humor

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Keep laughing. As long as you're laughing you still have hope.

Laughter is carbonated holiness.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

Laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles. It won't take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother

To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

There's nothing better than a world where everybody's just trying to make each other laugh.

You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself.

I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Seven days without laughter makes one weak.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.