Quotes About Humor

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

He led his regiment from behind. He found it less exciting.

Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle.

Will raised both eyebrows. 'Well, you learn a new thing everyday,' he said reflectively. 'In your case, that's no exaggeration,' Halt said, completely straight-faced.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit.

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

... sometimes in life, you either laugh or you cry. And I prefer to laugh.

I don't suffer fools, and I like to see fools suffer.

You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one.

After being impaled by a javelin, while officiating- I'm doing fine now, just resting and hanging around.

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

Here's a quick rule of thumb: Don't annoy science fiction writers. These are people who destroy entire planets before lunch. Think of what they'll do to you.

You should just dump the whole saving the world plan and go with global domination. It's probably be more fun.

I would rather be called funny than pretty.

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did.

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.