Quotes About Humor

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Funny women are honest women.

I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.

I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.

We laugh a lot. That's for sure. Sure beats the alternative, doesn't it?

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.

Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big.

It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very small snack foods.

Good taste is the enemy of comedy.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

I've always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler.

Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things.

A good time for laughing is when you can.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.