Quotes About Humor

The situation is desperate," runs an old Viennese saying, "but not serious.

En dan zat hij weer heel lang te trillen van het lachen als een pudding tijdens een bombardement.

Are you sure you weren't adopted?" "Mom would like to think so, but it was a natural birth, so her memory's real clear.

You really got him!" Gertie yelled. "Holy crap! I ate a bug. Jeez, someone get some mouthwash. Gah! I ate another one.

If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?" I stared at her. "Other people?

Slapping a man across the face with a fish hasn't been sexy since the fifties.

I don't know whether to be happy he's made my job so easy," Carter said, "or pissed off that someone that stupid not only roams the earth, but lives in my hometown.

Ida Belle nodded. "All sorts of things rose out of the ground during Edgar. Why, my mother's coffin popped straight up out of the grave and cruised down Main Street. I always said you couldn't keep Moter down

Then Gertie kicked Ida Belle under the table and she lifted her gaze to mine. ''I'm sorry I made you ride naked in my car wearing a trash bag,'' she said, not sounding the least bit sorry. ''No, you're not,'' I said

If I were there, I'd turn the fire department hose on the entire street, which was probably why it was a good thing that I didn't work with the general public.

According to the local gossip," Gertie said, "Beulah was over the moon for this guy. She even mailed him a pair of her underwear." "If he was really a marine," Ida Belle said, "he could have used them as a parachute.

He looked confused. "Don't all of you carry guns?" "Yes," I said. "But we're prepared to shoot people. Can you shoot someone?" His eyes widened. "God, no! I'm vegan." "Eating them is optional," Gertie said.

Is this what it's like for you—you walk in on naked people?" he asked. "The kind of people who you never, ever want to see naked in the first place?" "It happens more often than you'd think," I said. "No wonder you shoot people and blow up things," he said. "That is no way to live.

I shrugged. "Some people need more than words." "Ha!" Gertie said. "Celia needs therapy." "Celia needs an exorcism," Ida Belle corrected. I looked at Carter.

She's got a squirrel in her drawers, you idiot. She's not on fire!

Dear Lord, we thank you for this day, good food, better friends, and the fact that Ida Belle and I have outlived so many people we didn't like.

The dead didn't show up to their own funerals and call people assholes.

I'm not getting near that cat as long as he's trigger-happy," Ida Belle said. "A cat with a loaded gun and the ability to fire it is what a lot of nightmares are made of.

Now she sorta resembled the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man dressed in Pepto-Bismol.

We only break the law to help people. Well, and maybe to have some fun.

I saw your shower curtain hit the back lawn. You'll need to replace that." "I have a spare," I said. "Why on earth would you have a spare shower curtain?" he asked. "In case I need to haul off a body," I said.

Is a couple of hairs above my lip really worthy of this much effort?" I asked. "Yes," they both replied at once.

Forrest Gump had gotten it all wrong. Life wasn't a box of chocolates. It was a box of ex-lax, and I felt like I'd consumed the entire thing.

It was okay though," Gertie said. "Jeb said she wasn't a pleasant woman anyway, so we vacuumed the rug and deposited her in the flower bed out front." "I was beginning to question why we're friends when you told us about the lights," I said. "But you sort of redeemed the whole thing with the efficient flower bed disposal part of the story." "I'm guessing Jeb's mother might feel differently," Ida Belle said.