Quotes About Humor

Is there more meat?" I asked. Ida Belle nodded. "I'm pretty sure there's a black hole in the bottom of Gertie's trunk and meat is coming through it from another planet. We've hardly made a dent.

I'm lazy and lying requires too much effort.

I stared at her in dismay. "You expect me to shop, too? Good God. Is the apocalypse happening and I missed the Rider of Death?

That man tried to steal my purse!" "You should have just let him have it. You could have gotten hurt." "He's the one who got hurt. I have three cans of Vienna sausages in here." Rose started to ask her friend why she had Vienna sausages in her purse, then shook her head. "Never mind. Let's go get you some lunch.

Remember that incident in Egypt with the #No. 2 pencil?" "Don't be ridiculous," I snapped. "That was a Pentel, not a #No. 2.

You thought only the CIA could bury things. Be careful, Fortune. I like you, and I'd like to sell you another dress the next time you're forced to wear one. I just don't want it to be the one they lower you into the ground in.

Breaking hips is for old people," Gertie said. "I have decided that I am middle-aged." "Ha!" Ida Belle said. "Middle-aged for what, a tortoise?

Fake hair? Fake nails? Someone touching my feet? Oh, God, they were going to paint my toenails pink, weren't they?

and this horrid bra that shoved my boobs under my chin. I had a cleavage cleft the size of most people's butt cracks.

Marshmallow Man dressed in Pepto-Bismol.

I'm emptying the dishwasher and Brian starts grabbing my boobs. I've had kids pawing me all day long, so that's not hot. If you want some action, help me unload the dishes, idiot.

People ask what the secret of a happy marriage is. If there is one, it's 'don't talk about it.'

I could not sit seriously down to write a serious romance under any other motive than to save my life; and if it were indispensable for me to keep it up and never relax into laughing at myself or other people, I am sure I should be hung before I had finished the first chapter. No, I must keep to my own style and go on in my own way; and though I may never succeed again in that, I am convinced that I should totally fail in any other.

"Only a novel"… in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humor are conveyed to the world in the best chosen language.

Laugh as much as you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion.

Kath asleep (and snoring with her mouth open!) in the tack room.

It was worth many hardships to see forty German professors try to mount forty recalcitrant mules. My own horseman¬ ship, as already hinted, is nothing to " write home about ", but compared to those German professors I am a centaur.

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.

Amy planted a glass of brandy beside the bride's cornflakes.

PMS? You're damned right I have PMS! It stands for Pass My Shotgun, which means you'd better sleep with one eye open, buster.

As Carrie Fisher once said in a film, everyone thinks they have good taste and a sense of humour.

over 19,000 haiku about Spam—"Spamku"—have to this date been posted online.

How close to human must the breathed-in air come before it develops a sense of shame or humor?

Several men I can think of are as capable, as smart, as funny, as compassionate, and as confused — as remarkable you might say — as most women.