Quotes About Humor

Oh, bother!," said Pooh, as Piglet came back from the dead.

Sometimes we call it 'Extra Chunky,' too." "Why's that?" she finally asked. "Because," DeForrest said, barely able to contain his mirth, "when you run over a hippy with this thing, extra chunky is about all that's left.

Say again, over," he announced. "I was saying that I'm going from here on foot," Arkeley told them. "You can follow however you choose but this place was never meant for a military parade." "He's making fun of your truck," Caxton told Captain Suzie.

I told the taxi driver the story of what happened the last time we went to the airport. They both laughed, reminding me that I could talk when I was in the mood. My obstacles were often my own.

These pastoral-poet guys with their bleating goats and oaten pipes can stuff their phalaecean hendecasyllabics where the sun don't shine.

My tongue tasted like a gladiator's jockstrap [Marcus Corvinus after a night out]

I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

John, let me make one thing clear," Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. "Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis' penis would be larger than your penis."..... ..."Fuck all of you," John retorted. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. 'There,' said the large man. 'The kittens will make your sad go away.

John flung himself into a pseudo-karate stance, one hand poised behind him and one in front, posed like a cartoon cactus. I thought for an odd moment he had moved his limbs so fast they had made that whoosh sound through air but then I realized John was making that sound with his mouth.

One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool of beer and video games and penis jokes, staring at the universe with him and saying, "Do you believe this shit?

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

John. I would ask you what you are doing, but I fear you would actually tell me.

You want sympathy, you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

No, I don't, like, play an instrument or anything.I'm just...well, you saw me at the beginning there. I was the guy that fell down and died.

The phrase 'sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist' suddenly flew through my mind.

Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis.

Of all the dogs I've known in my life, I've never seen a better driver.

I want no part of this nonsense. This whole city is a butt that farts horror.

I said to John, "You know that if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes?" John said, "I dunno, Dave, but before we make a bomb I have to shave half the dog." I nodded. He got up, called to Molly and herded her into my bathroom. I wondered when the soy sauce would take effect.

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis." There was a moment of stunned silence, then I heard Jen start laughing so hard I thought she would choke. "Fuck all of you," John retorted. "You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, "WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?" The end kind of trailed off in a shrill, choking warble.