Quotes About Humor

Loded Diaper

hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!

I like turtles!!!!

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

I'll tell you who has a lot of money, and that's Manny. I mean, that kid is RICH. A few weeks ago Mom and Dad told Manny they'd give him a quarter for every time he uses the potty without being asked. So now he carries around a gallon of water with him at all times.

must've stepped in dog poop when I walked in the grass. And I knew EXACTLY where it happened, too. SQUISH I took my shoe off and went to the front of the room to tell Mrs. Pope about my situation. But I think Mrs. Pope thought I was trying to skip out on the pop quiz, because she gave me

hopefully Mr. Blakely won't be too mad when he sees his

Zoo wee mama

But maybe she should turn the other way while I get dressed. Wouldn't want to ruin her for other men. - Dean

Hank: As unbelievable as you may find this, Scott, we can do some things without your guidance. Warren: You're right, Hank! Why, did you know I went to the bathroom this morning- Hank: Not without Scott! Warren: Yes!

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Humor that is edgy is never squeaky clean.

Athletes tend to have less of a sense of humor than most people. They are heroes to so many. That might be part of it.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Every alcoholic who has stopped drinking can remember the last time he got drunk. For me, it was the night I drank so much Crown Royal my scrotum turned into a purple pouch with a gold-tasseled drawstring.

Feels more like a vacation if we're terrorized by an airport shuttle driver and frisked by TSA.

Upon your feet you have ten toes, they look just like PO-TA-TOES!

If we keep him for ourselves, we can do anything we want with him!' 'OH, REALLY?! Does that include baking him in a quiche?!' 'NO, IT DOES NOT INCLUDE THAT! IT INCLUDES EATING HIM RAW!' 'That's too bad. He would've made a fine pastry filling.

Naming our kid was a real trial. I seize up when I have to name a document on my computer. I didn't name my son after me. What if he turns into a maniac? How'd you like to be Jeffrey Dahmer, Senior?

What makes you think I'm coping?" "Well, for one thing, you're not lying on the floor in the fetal position. That's a good start.

Oh, no, you are not going all boa constrictor on me!" he told it,

I could imagine his eulogy: "Fucker's dead. Throw some dirt on him. Let's go play some poker.

You're a big snorty pig." Theresa made some amazingly skillful snorting sounds at him. Kyle began making snorting sounds back. It was a snorting extravaganza the likes of which I'd never heard.