Quotes About Humor

I was born in platform heels. I actually always fall down when I'm wearing flip-flops.

I'm always wearing Spanx, eating ice cream and feeling a bit lonely.

We have a snap of my dad wearing blue eye shadow, which I would always make fun of. When I was about 12 and first started wearing lipstick, my dad would ask, 'Are you wearing makeup?' I would say back, 'You're wearing more makeup there than I am!'

I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself. People who are concerned with their looks and what they're wearing and how they present themselves tend to have less of a sense of humor about themselves.

I went and met with Tim Burton for the role of Batman. But I just couldn't really take it seriously; any man who wears his underpants outside his pants just cannot be taken seriously.

I like playing a guy who wears pants as opposed to shorts.

Donald Trump is not a 71-year-old white man. He is an Indian uncle. He wears suits that don't fit; he can't speak English properly. He works with his idiotic sons; he hates women but loves his daughter. He makes up words when he gets angry. He is an Indian uncle.

There's something about Alan Arkin. Even when he's doing nothing, he makes me laugh. I've always had that reaction to him: he's got a weary world-view that makes him perfectly cast.

I'm not an economist and we all know economists were created to make weather forecasters look good.

Scottish people don't take themselves too seriously. I think you have to be like that when you're from a place where the weather is bad.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

I'm a comedian. I can't get a spray tan. I can't get a weave. I can't get my teeth done. Can you imagine if I came out on stage looking really hunky? Comedy doesn't work like that.

I think that everyone would agree that something that Marvel has done brilliantly is weave comedy into all of their action movies.

My weave fell off. I was running in PE, and it got caught in a tree. People were looking at me funny.

What's funny is that an old Web site of mine just had one fake bio, and everyone went crazy for it. So when I made the new Web site, I thought, 'I just need to make this one even more absurd.'

I guess my favorite Web site would be theonion.com. I used to read that paper all the time in New York, and it still cracks me up. It's actually my homepage on my computer.

Comedy lives on in the web and TV, but nobody's pressing comedy albums anymore.

Comedians are ridiculously oversensitive, so, especially with the Internet, you feel everything, like a spider on a web going, 'Oh God, I'm getting stomped'.

Web will have space for comedy just as films and TV.

No matter what I do, I can't help but feel that I'm under a microscope. Some of it is completely silly, and some of it is meant to be hurtful. For example, a website accumulated all of my music videos to point out perceived Illuminati images. I loved that one. Of course, it was all ridiculous but funny.

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

I had this website that, at one point, I listed myself as 'actor, writer, comedian, and fart enthusiast' just because I thought that would be a really clear joke.

I keep saying this - and I keep putting it off because I get busy - but I keep saying one year I'm gonna tape our Thanksgiving dinner or, like, our Christmas dinner and maybe put it on my website just for people to see how funny it really is, how much fun it really, really is.

I never made my website to try and get anywhere, it was just a laugh.