Quotes About Humor

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

I was once asked to play strip poker, but I'm more comfortable with strip solitaire.

I was about to be buried in the best-looking coffin I'd ever seen, and I wouldn't even be too dead to enjoy myself.

She would wake up in the middle of the night and say things like "What if Bad Bad Leroy Brown was a girl?" or "Why don't they have commercials for salt like they do for milk?

One of Renee's friends asked her, "Does your boyfriend wear glasses?" She said, "No, he wears a Walkman.

Saying your meal was lovely, despite a slight fear it might kill you in the night.

Never concentrating so hard than when manoeuvring a full cup of tea whilst lying down.

Shutting yourself in the wardrobe until the window cleaner has finished and left.

Honestly I'm glad. Cases where stupid people do stupid things are really more my forte. Like this guy." He picked up a folder from the mess on his desk. "He updated his Facebook account from inside a house he was robbing. Classic Cliff McCormack material. I'll leave the murderers to someone who knows what he's doing.

What do you think? More cheese? Less cheese? Different cheese?" Keith held up a measuring cup of shredded mozzarella and looked inquiringly at Veronica across the kitchen island. She was slicing tomatoes but paused mid chop to look up with one raised brow. "When is the answer ever less cheese?" "Fair point." He dumped the entire cup into the mixing bowl and started to stir.

He tried to turn me into a buffet?" I gritted my teeth. "Before he killed me? He couldn't kill me first and then eat me? That's just fucking rude.

There are a lot of truths in this world. When it rains it pours. It's always darkest before the dawn. He who smelt it dealt it.

Spartacus," I called, "how's it hanging?" Probably not too well. Once you're dead, had your organs removed, and are resurrected as an undead mummified cat, your testicles probably looked like old raisins that had rolled under the couch. Raisins didn't tend to...hang.

Pick up your clothes. I am not your maid. How do I know this? A maid cannot kill you with a tube sock. I can.

Robin had presented him with a fake degree from a university in Athens where the puck had an old acquaintance who still got a kick out of teaching, despite hemlock rumors to the contrary.

And he had it all over Octavian, let me tell you. Hung like a Pegasus, he was.

Albert said he wanted to invent a delicious sandwich glue so nothing would ever slip out.

I'm a born entertainer, when I open the fridge and the light comes on, I burst into song.

I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much . . . because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting.

I wish you humor and a twinkle in the eye. I wish you glory and the strength to bear life's burdens. I wish you sunshine on your path and the storms to season your journey.

Maybe there's a chance to get back to grown-up films. Anything that uses humor and dramatic values to deal with human emotions and gets down to what people are to people.

One man's religion is another man's belly laugh.

Of all the people I've ever met; you're one of them!