Quotes About Humor

Even the teachers noticed. Mr. Diaz walked past my locker when Finn was there and said, For the love of all that is holy, you two, please don't breed.) Pg 149

You are basically a flophouse and a pimp away from Pepcid rehab, you know that? I informed Nana.

Is it just another pore expanding? God, I already have pores the size of pudding cups, that's the last thing I need, another pore...to fill in with spackle.

Asininity was puddling all around me in quantities too vast to soak up. - It Looked Different on the Model

Expert Tip: "No matter how old and achy I am, I can still haul ass outta bed when the dog starts making vomit noises."—Connie Sherretts, MAW

Poor Holly. There she was, completely unaware while millions of minute mucus particles, each carrying the flu virus, exploded into the air like rain. It was their germ mission to land on her and try to find their way into an opening of her body, much like a date I once had attempted with me.

Sure, I'd like to lose some weight, but a tapeworm is the last way I'd like to do it, except becoming a prisoner of war.

I totally deserved this, I realized. I deserved to get captured in this shirt. I was roped in like a calf. Stupid. So stupid. Just because it was on sale, I had to try on a baby shirt. This was so completely my fault. Maybe I should go to Baby Gap tomorrow and try to get into some Onesies or a romper. What was I thinking? Really?

Do you know that I saw a picture of myself and genuinely thought that someone had eaten a powdered doughnut over my head?

In the Anthropologie mirror, I saw wrinkles, dents, flaps, bumps, and something that caused me to say to myself, "I hope that's a tumor and not a horn.

I do not come from a family of singers. When we get together and warble Happy Birthday to one another over cake and candle, it doesn't sound as much like a song as it does a pack of jackals yapping over a fresh carcass. And in my case, it's nothing that you want to inflict on the innocent, or at least on people who haven't reported us to the city yet. Who is flat, off-key or tone deaf in the Notaro clan is all up in the air--it doesn't matter, and we can't tell, anyway.

I cannot bear that lowering myself from the waist down will force one fat roll to collide with another like Earth's tectonic plates, and the subduction energy that results will bring me faster to unconsciousness than sniffing glue.

Oh my God," my husband said with a gasp, reading further. "He beat three men into unconsciousness? Alone? What is this, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Rapist? Does he fly and run across treetops? How long are his nails? What do you think his record for man beating is? Do we need four guys in the house at all times? Do we need five? You know, I could start a band and we could practice here.

My lunch consisted of a glass of wine (which the waiter solemnly called "grape juice")

Life, I'd heard someone say, is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. It seemed to me that it was both at once, even for those of us who don't do much of either.

an auction where most of the bidders wouldn't pay thirty-five cents to see Christ ride a bicycle.

You may recall a Jules Feiffer cartoon—you may recall a hundred

Who threw the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's chowder?

In the Sitting Room, the walls were given over to framed Ape and Spy caricatures from the old Vanity Fair

We should tackle reality in a slightly jokey way, otherwise we miss its point.

The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.

The funniest people are the saddest once

[Elbowing incident] was a joke but what I want to say now is that I'm a bit sad that everyone failed to see that.

Poetry, I think, intensifies the reader's experience. If it's a humorous facet of the story, poetry makes it more exuberant. If it's a sad facet, poetry can make it more poignant.