Quotes About Humor

There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good.

I'm half white, I said, folding my arms. Hrrm. Which half? I blinked. Uh...dunno. Let's just say it's from the waist down. Chief Shouting Bear nodded. Deal. I only hate your legs.

You heard my name was Chief Shouting Bear, he said. It doesn't matter. You can call me whatever you want, Stupidlegs.

Control was the basis of all humor. Even at its most innocent, what was a joke or a clever comment if not a way to take control? To become King of the Moment.

He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.

Why did you attack some girl's boots? J.Lo looked incredulous. She is still mad about this? he huffed. I TOLD her-I THOUGHT they were ANKLEwolves. Okay, whatever. I- Why elsenow would a person wear fur with shortpants? It makes no sense!

My partner and I are going to be run over by a rabbit driving a Citroën" just isn't the sort of thing that occurs to most people, no matter what kind of life they've led.

My birth certificate says "Gratuity Tucci," but Mom's called me Turtlebear ever since she learned that "gratuity" didn't mean what she thought it did. My friends call me Tip. I

I was a wonderful parent before I had children.

None taken, son. I'd love to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my arse.

Nelson had a face like Brian Clough getting sodomised with a pineapple.

squirrel is in a pine tree, when all of a sudden, it starts shaking. He looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree. 'What are you doing? Why are you climbing my tree?' the squirrel calls down to the elephant. 'I'm coming up there to eat some pears!' the elephant responds. 'You fool! This is a pine tree! There aren't any pears up here!' The elephant looks perplexed for a moment, and then says, 'Well, I brought my own pears.

She texts Kylie the dumb joke she's been saving up all morning: How do you think the unthinkable? When Kylie doesn't respond after a minute, Rachel sends her the answer: With an itheberg.

Whoa, girlfriend! I was wondering if I was ever going to hear from you again. Pretty sure the hitchhiker killers or the spiders were going to get you.

I wonder if he knows that every time I make a joke, a little piece of my heart breaks off. It's just self-defense. It seems whenever we get close, he leaves.

Elizabeth chuckled. Sometimes seeing a kid suffer the indignity of having to work gave parents a secret joy.

Clumsy jesting is no joke.

I am going to host Thanksgiving myself and instead of a turkey I'm serving a big human butt.

She looked over my shoulder once while I was texting, which was already annoying, and when I wrote lol she made a very clear point to me about how I was silent and not laughing out loud, not at all. I said it was just an expression, and that I was laughing out loud inside my own mind.

I peed, then washed my hands with shampoo. The soap was in the soap dish and looked, at that moment, the size of a piece of soap.

Reid interrupted. "What kind of jokes are we talking about?" We all looked at each other, not sure what to say. Reid tried again, looking at his notes. "It says here, 'Franken made jokes about the Holocaust.' What does that mean?" Diane handed our poll to Harry and pointed to the joke we had tested: "I think a bad Hanukkah gift for Anne Frank would have been a drum set."*

Once you even acknowledge that there is a line, that there are things you shouldn't be allowed to joke about, that there are words that can't be said no matter the context, you're selling out the very idea of comedy.

Yes, Roger Ailes, who actually was very funny and who, as far as I know, did not sexually harass anyone during the two hours he was with us. Between

Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not it was funny.