Quotes About Humor

Plato having defined man to be a two-legged animal without feathers, Diogenes plucked a cock and brought it into the Academy, and said, "This is Plato's man." On which account this addition was made to the definition: "With broad flat nails."

Oh," he cried. "A broken heart have you! I have falling arches, flying dandruff, a floating kidney, shattered nerves and a broken heart!

When I see an opportunity for humor, I grab it! After all, life is too short to be grumpy.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . . And I also know that I'm not blonde.

Truth is, I wouldn't know a gigabyte from a snakebite.

The only way I'd be caught without makeup is if my radio fell in the bathtub while I was taking a bath and electrocuted me and I was in between makeup at home. I hope my husband would slap a little lipstick on me before he took me to the morgue.

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb - and I'm not blonde either.

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don't know, I'm never there.

I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out.

One day I was standing with my stage manager, Sandy Prudden, and Buddy Sheffield watching as Kermit the Frog (with the help of the late Jim Henson) sweetly sang a song. Sandy was always a big joker. He sidled up to me and said, "Isn't it amazing the way Kermit can sing like that with somebody's hand up his ass." Without missing a beat, I came back with, "Shoot, that ain't nothin'. I did that for seven years on the 'The Porter Wagoner Show.

Although I look like a drag queen's Christmas tree on the outside, I am at heart a simple country woman.

Me and God have a great relationship, but we're both seeing other people.

Push-up bras are like breasts on the half-shell.

I asked this one girl out, and she said, "You got a friend?" I said yes; she said, "Then go out with him."

My mom and dad just loved the fact that I fooled around. They just embraced it. They'd always kind of enjoy it, and they liked it when I made them laugh.

It's the look you give a well-behaved imbecile, an insurance policy against cosmic malevolence.

Apparently he's known as the "King of Selfies," this Instagrammer takes some, um, interesting photos. You'll be laughing the second you land on his page.

If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an animated film, because that's total character. This, this is really movement, but it's got funny little things if you look for the humor. They're actually getting to the character.

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I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.

what in hellhave i done to deserveall these kittens

Life is one damned kitten after another." Mehitabel the Alley Cat

i look back on my life and it seems to me to be just one damned kitten after another