Quotes About Humor

If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, wouldn't it be a Merry Christmas?

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

You can't study comedy it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.

Funny is funny.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

The boys quiet until Ben looks across the table at Chon, holds his thumb and index finger a millimeter apart, and says, "We're that close to being gay." They laugh for half an hour. Collective dicks

Brian is obese, like round, like the Pillsbury doughboy on a Twinkie binge.

The only thing that could improve golf is snipers.

The only thing that could improve golf is snipers. Then those guys wouldn't wear those stupid clothes, and it would sure as shit speed up the game.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would run outside with forks.

No one knows how the chimp got the revolver.

Now he's standing beside five other cops watching the chimp climb up the wall of the Museum of Man. That's what I need tonight, Chris thinks, a chimp with a firearm and a sense of irony.

The Devil for a joke Might carve his own initials on our desk, And yet we'd miss the point because he spoke An idiom too dated, Audenesque.

The older a man gets...the longer it takes for him to get a grin organized.

Katharine and I played Superghost and laughed at one another's jokes.

telling the jokes—was the setups. Why were that priest, that rabbi, and that minister walking down that street? Where were they headed? How had they happened to come together? What odd chance had put ex-presidents Bush, Clinton, and Carter on that same plane?

The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being censored and I got to do my own thing, and it was really cool.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.

Kate never had any money, but she loved to save it. When she was ninety-three her youngest daughter took her to a dollar store where she found an elevated tray filled with tiny aluminum percolators, one-cuppers. The frank and ethical enterprise attached a notice informing its customers that these percolators did not work. They were only 5 cents, so Kate bought two of them anyway.