Quotes About Humor

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

Howard Stern -- the uglier, more disgusting I draw him, the more he likes me.

If I marry all the women I love, I have a hundred wives!

A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment.

At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day. That was the low point. The grounds crew guy cleaned it up. He said, "Oh, I think it's dog crap." I said, "No it ain't. That's human crap."

I asked him was he limpin' or pimpin'. He said he was pimpin'. I said that looked like a limp to me.

I love making people laugh and feel good, and that's awesome and special for me to be able to do that, but there really is nothing like kicking ass whether it's on a major scale, or whether it's in more of a dramatic fashion. Being physical and taking care of business the old-fashioned way is something that I love doing.

Maybe it's that time of the month because those super cramps can really turn a supermodel into a super bitch.

While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory.

I'm a laugh tart. I make no secret of that fact.

I never told a joke in my life.

I do a lot of laughing at my own self in life, so I think I come at things with a pretty easygoing view.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

If Life hands you a lemon, throw it at someone

I was like, what the hell is my life coming to? I'm a trained actor! I've done Shakespeare and here I am having farting contests with an imaginary dog!

Life is a joke that's just begun.

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy. To be alive means to have a sense of humor.

My husband taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

I do situations and make fun of authority and life.

Life ain't easy. Terrible things happen to everyone. You have to keep your sense of humor, give something of yourself to others, make friends who are younger than you, learn new things, and have fun.

My psychiatrist says I have a messiah complex. But I forgave him.

To be practical in life means to take everything seriously and nothing tragically.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.