Quotes About Humor

On the surface she might put on a good show, making fun of herself and her manless state, but inwardly it was hard sometimes not to wonder: Why me?

Two of my fav pieces of wisdom from Phoebe: - Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and those that aren't are inaccessible. - Remember, it's always better to be the smartass rather than the dumbass.

Don't take life too seriously. After all none of us are getting out alive anyway.

Karma was a bitch with a good sense of humor.

How is it that you're such an expert on home pregnancy kits?" You're asking that question of an Italian stallion like myself? The women call me 'sperm of thunder'. I don't dare stand too close for fear I may impregnate them with just a whiff of my manhood.

Is that why the top three buttons of your riding jacket are unfastened?" Miranda asked with an innocent look. "Because you were showing him your bulbs?

Our house is so difficult to find that people always arrive late, which means that by the time we go into dinner, I've had so many dry Martinis I'm practically under the piano, and it no longer seems to matter that I haven't put the potatoes on.

Father-in-law comes to stay, goes to local church and returns saying he will spend the rest of his life translating New English Bible back into English.

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.

I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building. Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.

He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume.

Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About: - Titanic sinking again. - Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda. - Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.

My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.

Buy me stuff and I'll be nicer

Okay, Dumb Diary, school has taught me a few things over the years. Once, it taught me the difference between alligators and crocodiles. (Even alligators and crocodiles don't really care. Just avoid both.)

Princess Turd of Turdsylvania" - p.17

The author emphasizes the importance of self-forgetfulness when his statistics were marred by a bad outing. He forgot all of that outing to such an extent that he quipped, "What was my name?

Has anybody noticed that we haven't won a game since we ate that chicken á la king?

Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.

We are not going to die." Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?" "No. And do you know why?" He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die." I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.

I had to smile at the man. I mean, you have to smile at idiots and children.