Quotes About Humor

All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always loved fashion and I love that we can do it and not take it seriously.

When I was younger, I used to drive up to a bunch of turkeys, roll down the window and say something. They'd all gobble back at once.

It's weird, but Scion is kind of cool. I couldn't drive one because I'd look like one of those McDonald's Happy Meal toys with giant heads sticking out the window.

There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot - except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan.

I used to be a window cleaner. I got fired because I sometimes liked to drink the soapy water.

I got live tweeted once by someone who was opposite my home in some rented accommodation. He was actually describing on twitter what I was doing. 'I took a shirt off, I went to the window, I put a shirt back on... ' And I've got blinds in my flat!

I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I couldn't stop myself. I asked the stupid question. 'You lock your keys in the car?' 'Nope, just washed it, gonna hang it up to dry.'

My mom was a freethinking artist - she was wild and would do anything to get a laugh from me. She'd go in reverse through a drive-through so I could order from the window: 'Hi, can I get a milk shake?'

I had a Super Beetle that I restored and painted deep purple in honor of Jimi Hendrix that was stolen. After that, I got a Ford Falcon that had no windshield wipers, so whenever it rained - which, thankfully, in L.A. it doesn't do very much - I'd have to lean out my driver's side window like 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

A comic strip that your parents read when they were young is a curious thing: it's an heirloom, and it's also intimate. You peer through windows and look at the things that made your elders laugh, and then you wonder whether the laugh really belongs to you.

A lot of the comics called me Bronco because I wouldn't get off - if I had to do an hour, I would stand there, even if it wasn't going well. I knew comics that would climb out of dressing room windows after they'd done their first spot.

My favorite ski slope is the kind that winds up at the cafeteria. My children, though, usually insist that I get out and take on a few expert runs, in a game called 'Let's See if We Can Get Our Inheritance Early.'

I have an extra set of eyelashes because you never know. I could cry or laugh, or it could be windy, and I'll need a standby pair.

When I first started wearing wigs, I didn't know you had to anchor them down with bobby pins. I walked out during a windy day and my wig blew off and got stuck to a branch. I was walking while my wig was hanging! If that's not the most embarrassing thing... but you have to use bobby pins.

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

Age, they say, is only important if you're cheese. or a wine. They also say, if you are stuck behind one on a golf course, that a tree is 90 per cent air. How come, then, that you invariably send your ball crashing into the remaining 10 per cent?

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.

Unfortunately, there tends to be an easy way of doing things in life and the Haskell way. As a 12-year-old I knocked my front teeth out while chasing a friend in the rain. I'm the type who offers to serve wine at drinks parties and accidentally pours it down one of the guests.

I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.

I have even written a book about Wine called The Grapes of Ralph.

The 'good' mother, with her fixed smile, her rigidity, her goody-goody outlook, her obsession with unnecessary hygiene, is in fact a fool. It is the 'bad' mother, unafraid of a joke and a glass of wine, richly self-expressive, scornful of suburban values, who is, in reality, good.

The fashion industry isn't merely content to encase my meaty flanks in skintight denim. Oh, no! That denim also has to be white, a color that attracts ketchup, wine, garlic aioli, and any other foodstuffs I might otherwise be able to enjoy if I wasn't wearing ridiculously tight pants.

I like sugar, be it candy, this season's pumpkin chocolate chip bars, or wine. Sugar is bad for me. It just sits on my tummy, causing my middle child Esme to ask if we are having a fourth baby. Rude!