Quotes About Humor

You gotta have moisturizer cause I'm old. You gotta have that. You know for every glass of wine I drink I get drier and drier so I have to keep my self well moisturized.

I really liked 'Green Wing'. I wish something like that could come back.

My ears are huge. If there's ever a problem with a plane I'm on, they could just put me on the wing and I'll land the sucker.

Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs is just the thing to make a little tin humanist in the Obama West Wing think he's admiral of the Uzbek Navy.

If I do a bit on stage, I prepare too much. Those bits are all really, really carefully written, and overwritten, and researched. I really don't feel like I can wing it. So I write it out word for word, and when I'm onstage I'll improvise around it.

Nick can get up on stage and just wing it, whereas I would have to be taken to a mental institution.

Sarcasm all around the world is always against right wing and against people in power. That's the definition of political sarcasm.

Comedy should be fluid. It should be both Left and Right wing.

So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah.

So many songs are just a wink to the audience, but people take them seriously. 'My Humps?' C'mon!

I want to give haute couture a kind of wink, a sense of humour - to introduce the whole sense of freedom one sees in the street into high fashion; to give couture the same provocative and arrogant look as punk - but, of course, with luxury and dignity and style.

There's a lot of movies, and I've made some of them that could be categorized this way, but there's definitely been a trend in animated features of all types to be a little bit cynical, if you will, to have a little bit of 'knowing' humor to them, kind of a wink to the audience.

It'd be really neat if I wasn't a Darwin Award winner.

The thing with the comedian is you can make all the jokes you want and not every joke it going to be a winner, and not every joke is going to land, there'll be some that somebody doesn't laugh at, but that's just part of the deal.

When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely invigorating about winning them over. Even if it's eight people from Sweden who don't understand what I'm talking about.

Let's face it, I'm not winning a fight with anybody - unless it's against someone like Larry David.

I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part and discuss it only with consenting adults.

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics.

Texas humor and Southern humor are pretty similar.

I was recently designated Tweeter Laureate of Texas, which apparently is a thing.

I plan someday to do a one-man show based solely on the e-mails of Bellamy Young. And people will think I've written a brilliant comedy myself when, in fact, all the text will be directly from Bellamy.