Quotes About Humor

The funniest thing a man has ever said to me... I once recieved a text message that said, 'Fancy a cuddle-slash-wrestle?' It's just so awful Obviously I didn't reply.

I've never sent an email in my life. My kids laugh. I often hand the phone to them and say, 'Can you text this message to somebody.' I don't even have a computer on my desk.

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

I wrote 'Science For Her!' because I found normal, manly science textbooks to be too intense for my small size-0 brain, and I found normal science textbooks to have covers too heavy for my dainty size-0/size-2-with-bloat hands.

I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts from all my friends going, 'What's the matter with you?' But I haven't ever made a big attempt to have any particular image. And I don't really worry about it. If it's funny, I don't care.

It was funny to hear that I'd slapped Bieber. I thought it was a joke. Then it blew up. I probably got 50 texts about it.

I made a couple of friends when I was a teenager who said I was funny. I used to send them very long texts; it was on a Nokia and always exceeding the text limit. But if I was making jokes in a group nobody was listening.

If you look at me close enough, there's a small resemblance to a chicken nugget. I don't know if it's my skin texture or my hair, but the resemblance is definitely there.

My experience - and it might be just the kind of comedy that I do, which is usually sketch comedy - is that there's a lot more texture and subplot in drama than in comedy.

I think I went through puberty really late in life or something. I always looked like a little, sad Thai boy up until I was 26.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - the sinners are much more fun.

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.

Thank God for Stifler's mom. I don't know if life would be this fun if I didn't have that.

Comedy has changed with the times, thank God - slowly, oh my lord, slowly - but it has.

To play the leading man in a 'Three Stooges' movie, you've got to think funny. Thank God I think funny.

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

I was a terrible student. I didn't graduate magna cum laude: I graduated 'Thank you, Lawdy!'

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'