Quotes About Humor

Oh God, who died?" Nick deadpanned. He was joking, but he wasn't. "One day that's not going to be funny," Charlie warned.

There was an older guy in a banana costume doing pelvic thrusts

your mom gay and im gay for you thats why I left my other 2 wives for you

Well, spank my butt and call me red!

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

I suppose I miss the British cynicism and the humor.

It's the only thing sexier than a sexy woman. A sexy woman cooking fuckin' sausages.

Mary,' said her mother. 'We don't like sarcasm ' 'You mightn't like it,' said Mary. 'But I love it.

The important thing is to know when to laugh, or since laughing is somewhat undignified to smile. But the smile must be of the right kind must have understanding in it, and friendliness, and a good deal of patience.

What a goon, except it really is funny, me trying to sneeze a hot dog through my nose, and we're both laughing like total morons.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

You know you're getting old; there are certain signs. I walked past a cemetery, and two guys ran after me with shovels.

I don't get no respect. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday, my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

I'm so ugly, as a kid, I once stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

I don't get no respect. I told my landlord I want to live in a more expensive apartment. He raised the rent.

I don't get no respect. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother.

For my birthday, my old man showed me a picture of a cake. I sat there all day trying to blow out the candles.

What a childhood! I was breast-fed by my father.

Last Christmas, I got no respect. In my stocking I got an Odor-Eater.

I had no luck with dating. My big thrill was self-inflicted hickies.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.