Quotes About Humor

Washington Irving

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old. I

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.

this book puts the FUN in Disfunctional

Keep your sense of humor, my friend if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.

Benjamin Hey, who wants Chinese Takeout I know a great place Wayne I'll have the cream of sum yung guy.

Garth Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny

Wayne All I have to say about that is asphinctersayswhat. Arcade owner What Wayne Exactly.

Wayne Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

Wayne I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.

i like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which i also keep handy.

They will put that on my gravestone. 'Here lies Tinker, her heart was in the right place, but her foot was in her mouth and god knows where her brain went.

Write to amuse? What an appalling suggestion! I write to make people anxious and miserable and to worsen their indigestion.

her mother began to pick apart the toilet paper covering her gift. 'I suppose," she said brightly, 'we should be grateful this hasn't been used before as well!

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I'm taking an art class, and the nude model just quit. Because I like to finger paint.

I stuff my bra. So if you get to second base with me, you'll find that the bases are loaded.

I just had plastic surgery: They cut up all my credit cards. Except for my Discover card, which nobody takes.

I'm standing in line at the bakery, and this really cute guy asked for my number. So I had to get another one.

My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off.

I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.

I was dating a control freak. He insisted that he take the birth control pills.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like, "How did my mother know that?"

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.