Quotes About Humor

I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian ' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

You take the flotsam," I tell her, "I'll take the jetsam." You always get the jetsam,"she says pretending to pout. "Do you ever think if poeple heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time.

My sweat smells like peanut-butter.

Be honest, but don't hurt anyone's feelings be independent, but not a loner be smart, but not a nerd be sexy, but not a slut be skinny, but don't barf up your burger be funny, but not to hide some other deficiency.

Mom said it's too violent for me. I would argue, but after being terrified by a SpongeBob balloon, I'm pretty sure she's right.

All right, all right,' he [Leo] says. 'I know it's hilarious that Mrs. Kelly thinks I clogged up her toilet, but we have more important things to focus on.

May you fall from the top of the Chrysler Building and may people lean out their windows and hit you on the head with a baseball bat as you go by.

Although the only time Logan had seen Philip run was when Max had sent them out to the chicken coop to collect some eggs, and a rooster had taken a liking to Philip and chased him clear across the field.)

at the table just to get a laugh out of the younger children present (meaning Annabelle and me). For the record, I do not actually laugh when Elkin passes gas; I gag and it comes out as a laugh. Annabelle, I cannot vouch for. Good

The Day Tara the Great Destroyed the Zombie Queen and Then Ate a Grilled Cheese Sandwich would be

To get upset by an image that focuses on the human body is merely to demonstrate a bad attitude toward what is physical. If I concentrated on a woman's sense of humor to the exclusion of her other characteristics, would this be degrading? Why is it degrading to focus on her sexuality? Underlying this attitude is the view that sex must be somehow ennobled to be proper.

The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.

Can I help it if my thumbs are too big for that tiny keypad?" "You should have been in Atlanta right after she got her iPhone and texted all of us her plans to 'masterbate penis primavera,

The last time you gave me 'Hightower detail' he caught me with his underwear in my hands." "I'm sorry I missed that." Nicole's voice rang with suppressed laughter. "We're all sorry we missed that," Deirdre added. "I can't tell you how much I wish I'd missed that," Maddie said drily.

You should have been in Atlanta right after she got her iPhone and texted all of us her plans to 'masterbate penis primavera,'" Kyra said, unsnapping Dustin's bib and scooping him up out of the high chair. Chase snorted with laughter. Maddie could see the curve of Troy's smile beneath the camera. "It seems clear that people over forty should not be allowed to text,

I broke my nose in gym when a ball hit me. I took a girl to her debutante ball the next week wearing a tux and a big, honking bandage. Not the romantic night she had in mind.

Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say and it's true, I do have a certain fondness for women that have dark hair.

There are clowns who make you laugh, there are clowns who laugh with you and there are clowns who laugh at you."

I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material!

If there's a red dwarf in Canis Major, and it isn't named Clifford, I'm going to say a swear word.

I guess that the thing people say to me all the time is, "Were the leeches real?" They then turn to their frat guy friends and snicker, like they're the first person to ever say that to me. I wait for a second, so they think they've really cut me down, and I say, "Yeah. Ask your mom about my scar." Finding new and preferably disgusting ways to degrade a friend's mother is always held in high regard.